Some of you, especially if you are not a dictator, probably loved 2011. Others of you, like me, might be looking back at it and thinking, “Meh.”
Either way, it’s time to move on. In this spirit, I’ve compiled a list of everything I can dream of and hope for in 2012.
1. That David Lee Roth will get the recognition, and feel the love, that has been eluding him for the past… well… um… 20 years. I’ve thought about starting a foundation (initially funded through Kickstarter) dedicated to honoring him, a man unafraid of fuzzy boots long before Uggs were ever invented. DLR is a showman and we should be glad every day that he came into our lives.
However, should the foundation not come to fruition because, say, it does not reach the $1.2 million mark on Kickstarter (this is the amount needed to not only pay my salary, as Executive Director, but those of my staff, provide us with lunch everyday and the plane tickets and accommodations we need around the world to do our DLR evangelizing), I vow to keep a bit of Diamond Dave glory going each month in 2012. Maybe you will even see evidence of it on this blog.
2. The Year of The Tiny Present. There should be more tiny presents in elaborate tiny packages presented to loved ones throughout the year. Tiny as in much, much smaller than a breadbox. Must fit into a shoe box but better if it fits into a box meant for Band-Aids. A tiny present is a wonder to behold and makes the receiver feel joyous. I will give some. Will you?
3. Awaken to the fact that fashion, like much of our lives, is invented. It’s all invented. Made up. Reading Vogue is really no different than reading a novel. This is not to say that one can’t enjoy Vogue but just to say that one could read Vogue, a book of short stories or a graphic novel, all to the somewhat same effect.
4. Enjoy tea. Shove over, coffee drinkers. I’m tired of being a second-class citizen. Recently, I saw a British TV commercial for McDonald’s. Once I got over my sadness that there are McDonald’s in Britain and that British people go to them, I was overjoyed to see that the man in the commercial came in from the rain and was greeted by a McDonald’s counter worker handing him a hot cup of tea. “Tea?” the clerk said. And the man looked grateful as he accepted the hot cup. Yes, I thought. YES!!!
I also came across this quote from Christopher Hitchens (R.I.P. in the gloriousness of nothingness, by the way):
“Next time you are in a Starbucks or its equivalent and want some tea, don’t be afraid to decline that hasty cup of hot water with added bag. It’s not what you asked for. Insist on seeing the tea put in first, and on making sure that the water is boiling. If there are murmurs or sighs from behind you, take the opportunity to spread the word. And try it at home, with loose tea and a strainer if you have the patience. Don’t trouble to thank me. Happy New Year.”
Well, that quote came from the essay “How To Make A Decent Cup of Tea,” a January 2011 article on Slate, and it is well-worth a read.
5. Celebrate old people. I’m tired of all these hipsters. Bring on the oldsters. In 2012, I will pay attention to the awesome old in people, places, clothing and culture and celebrate it. Go to bed early. Get up early. Wear that dress from 1975. But please don’t drive like an asshole.
6. My second action to accomplish point # 5 will be to read as many ofÂ Erma Bombeck’s books as I can. I will begin with At Wit’s End, work my way through If Life Is A Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing In the Pits? and round the bend with When You Look Like Your Passport Photo, It’s Time To Go Home. Never heard of Erma? She was an American humorist who wrote 15 books. You can learn more by visiting the online museum dedicated to her. And 2012 just happens to be a year in which they are holding the Erma Bombeck Writing Competition, which I will enter. I can write funny about life’s trials and tribulations. How about you?
7. Go dancing. I have a husband who does not enjoy dancing at all. I am OK with this. But I still wanna go dancing and look like the white, not-so-young-ish-anymore woman that I am out on the dance floor. I will not wear any of the bodysuits I owned in college but please tell me where the best 1990s dance party can be found in the Twin Cities.
8. Practice The Gambler’s Guide To Life: Know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away and know when to run.Â I’m working on all of this and it’s like learning to ride a bike for the first time. We could all, most of us, work on this. If you’re at your limit on something, fold instead of continuing to bet. Or run, depending on how bad it is. If you’ve got a good thing going, hold onto it. Why can’t we get this right more often?
9. Shout into the wind. Just about everything in my life in 2011 seemed to be either in flux, half-finished or in a state of disrepair, like a baby doll missing its limbs. Oh well. That’s life. Keep going. It’s fine!
No, really, it is.
So, yeah, I’ll be finishing my novel about a bus tour of Europe in 1981 and I’ll be finishing off another draft of my screenplay and I’ll somehow, someday get a job and then I’ll write a funny play about being unemployed. And I’ll keep blogging. And I’ll keep trying to be a runner. For no good reason other than, that’s life.
I hope you’ll join me.
Happy New Year. See you, Erma Bombeck book in hand, in 2012.