Why don’t you celebrate Memorial Day by skydiving? Afterwards, you can come home and have a big party out on the patio with all your friends and neighbors!
Make the gang this 0h-so-1960s recipe for Beer Baked Bananas:
12 large firm yellow bananas
1 cup beer
1 can frozen orange juice concentrate (undiluted)
1/4 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1/2 cup chopped macadamia nuts
grated rind of one orange
Peel bananas and cut in half. Arrange in shallow pan. Mix beer, orange juice concentrate and brown sugar. Pour evenly over bananas. Sprinkle with nuts and orange rind. Bake at 400 degrees F for 15 minutes or until hot. Serve warm, with some of the juice spooned over each serving.
Serve with pints of beer. And shots of tequila! Eat while sitting in the hot tub listening to Glenn Frey at top volume.
This dry winter air must be wreaking havoc on your hands! Why don’t you make some scotch eggsÂ and let your epidermis soak up Mother Nature’s natural moisturizer – pork fat!
Mix up the pork sausage by hand, letting your dehydrated fingers pat those patties and then cradle the hard boiled egg in your hand as you wrap it in its fatty meat cloak. Let that lard soak into your skin’s cracks and fissures. Aaaaah!
You could eat the eggs, too, after they bake, but be careful darling, that vintage Mainbocher gown won’t fit anymore if you’re eating Scotch eggs and surfing TMZ all day long. Better to pack them in a basket and give them to the neighbors while you settle in for a lunch of lettuce and a Tab.
Darling, I know it’s cold outside and this winter is for the crows. The crows who sit in the trees and “CAW, CAW, CAW!” while you wait for the bus on a bitter morning. But one must remember that weather should not do away with style.
Why don’t you wrap your head in a furry hood, so that all that peaks out is your face, flush from your latest spray-on tan?
The bigger the hood, the better! The more wrapping, the better.
In fact, why don’t you wrap up your entire body, like a chic mummy, in your bed comforter to let people know what you think of this long, nasty winter? Be sure to take the belts off old bathrobes and strap them around your body in a criss-cross, strait-jacket fashion. Note:Â Make sure to bring along a friend who can help you navigate the bus steps.
I’m cold as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore! Has anyone seen the #113?