All posts by Rebecca

The Short Stack: March 21

Every Friday, I share  the pop culture, fashion, lit and random blips that crossed my radar during the week. Enjoy! Or don’t. Your choice.

It’s spring! Hooray!

Can I put my puffy coat away now? Actually, let me rephrase that: can I burn my puffy coat now? This thing… it’s ripped, it’s got salt on it, it’s greasy in spots. Basically, it looks less like a coat and more like a blanket that a bear used to hibernate on all winter. I am beyond caring. I no longer even do spot cleaning like I did in January. I just let it all hang out. I think the entire things smells. I can’t put my body into it one more time. Here’s something else I’m not sure I can put my body into: denim overall shorts

I’ve got bad news: overalls are back. It was only a matter of time, right? I’ve noticed some definite overalls creep: first on ASOS, then on Madewell and, of course, Urban Outfitters.

[P.S. If someone I knew showed up wearing this “Chambray Machinist Jumpsuit” I would instantly and forever lose respect for them UNLESS they explained that they were, in fact, in the business of fixing cars and/or small motors and would hook me up for free the next time I had trouble with my washing machine.]

This is where it’s all been heading, people. First it was rompers, which you could ignore if you were no longer a baby or a very insecure 18-year-old girl who also wears fedoras. Then it was the return of the jumpsuit, which, whatever, if you didn’t live in Flatbush paying attention was optional. But I’ve got a bad feeling about the denim overall. This is the kind of shit Midwesterners will embrace, you know, because there’s a comfort level associated with it, like with flip flops. So… pack up those skinny jeans and find a piece of straw to put between your teeth as you rock your farm-chic this summer.

Look, I had my overalls phase, back in college. Except I kept it super-duper real by going and getting a pair of used overalls that were probably designed for a 300-pound man. Yeah, I have no idea. It looked like I was hauling a 10-lb. sack of potatoes in my ass, which… huh… sort of runs counter to what most 19-year-olds wanted their ass to look like when they’re at a party trying to impress some guys by dancing around like a fool to Ace of Base.

“I did it myyyyyyyy way!”

This leads me to another observation: I believe humans might have run out of things to do with denim. Maybe I’m being short-sighted here. I’m like the person who said TV would never overtake radio, the Internet wouldn’t last, who cares about Xcel spreadsheets… But I’ve got a feeling that if we’re on the second round of acid washing this cloth, we’ve come to the end of the line.

Here’s what I’m going to do: bring back the baggy jean. The kind Denise wore on The Cosby Show, belted at the waist so she got that paper bag effect. Yeah. I’m all about that.

Other Fashion Stuffs
Recently I discovered this company called Black Milk Clothing. They have a Game of Thrones clothing line, complete with models wearing Daenerys Targaryen-inspired wigs. I have to say it’s a bit disappointing – no leather outfits at all but an inexplicable ninja hooded catsuit, which no character has ever worn on any episode. Setting that aside, I’m not sure what to make of this (not Game of Thrones-inspired) swimming suit:

woman wearing a dem guts swimming suit OK, why the boots? Don’t feel like getting cigarette butts caught between your toes when you walk across the sand at the beach?

This is called “dem guts” swimming suit. I would actually pay a lot of money ($10) to see a suburban mom wear this to the water park/zero depth wading pool and stand around talking to other moms. With the boots. Maybe also smoking a Swisher Sweet.

I know, I know, so not their demographic. They actually have some other cute ones, if you are into the look and love R2D2. I’m pretty sure Land’s End is rushing to produce some knock-offs. Their body innards suit is going to depict the lungs of a 30-year smoker, for that edgier look Land’s End is known for.

Watching
I saw the Veronica Mars movie. Is that what it’s called –  Veronica Mars Movie? If it’s not, it should be, because everyone calls it that. It was like a super special, extra-long episode. I thought the plot was a wee bit weak but it was great to see the old gang. The best part was just feeling wrapped up in nostalgia for belly shirts and that Dandy Warhols song.

Next I want to see the Budapest movie. And I would love to see this doc about Elaine Stritch. Trust me, that outfit is exactly what I’m wearing to work today.

Bugging
Email subject lines suddenly irritate me. How about people who send you an email and put whatever they want to ask you or tell you as the subject line:

subject: i will be at the meeting tomorrow, 10:30 am, will you be at the meeting

subject: what do you think of this blue shirt with the stripes on it i like it

subject: can we decide what to do about this problem with the print job that we’re waiting on please?

I think retailers are running out of subject lines to sell their crap. Here are some I got this week:

subject: 25% off new-in hotness + so much swimwear
(I don’t even know what this means)

subject: The Structured Pouch Is Here
(hot damn!) (P.S. can a “pouch” be structured? A pouch is unstructured and… pouchy by nature, isn’t it? If I say you have a pouch, it means you have a saggy tummy, not an angular, well-structured one)

subject: Pedi time! Sandals starting at $49.95
(it’s snowing out right now so please shut up)

Listening
I’ve been thinking a lot about California and Hollywood lately, so I put together a California song playlist. A few of the songs have no specific connection to do California, I just wanted them in the mix because, in my mind, it’s what I would listen to while cruising down a California highway with no traffic.  I thought I’d share it here. Got a CA song for me to add? No Eagles, please!

California Dreamin’ – The Mamas & The Papas (duh)
Say Good-bye to Hollywood – Billy Joel
Love Will Keep Us Together – Captain & Tennille (seems so 1970s L.A. to me)
California Girls – David Lee Roth
Hooray for Hollywood – Nancy Sinatra
Walking in L.A. – Missing Persons
Higher Ground – Red Hot Chili Peppers (because I can’t stand Californication)
Pretty in Pink – The Psychedelic Furs
We Used to Be Friends – The Dandy Warhols
Hollywood – Madonna
Do You Know the Way to San Jose – Dionne Warwick
Free Fallin’ – Tom Petty
Los Angeles – X
Hollywood Freaks – Beck
The Only Place – Best Coast
Los Angeles – Frank Black
In California – Neko Case
California Man – Cheap Trick
California Love – Tupac Shakur (the only American export the Russians need/love/want/give a damn about)
Somewhere Over the Rainbow – Judy Garland

Reading
Little Failure

Tired. Bye y’all.

tupac shakur

The Short Stack: March 7

My 80s Barbies and Ken put their heads together

Old Stuff + My Love of It
Yep, I had the old Barbies out last week. I wanted to see if there were any good disco dresses in their box (coffin?) for spring fashion inspiration but I didn’t find much. Who knows where those hot dresses ended up? I suspect my sister’s basement… that’s where all the good stuff is.

I have all my old Barbies. I just love old stuff. I can’t walk into a thrift store or antiques store and walk out empty handed. If they clean a place up and try to make it more presentable, I no longer like it. This is why I don’t shop at Goodwill – they made it feel like a chain store with bright lighting and clothes that are at most five years old. Yick.

My favorite place in the Twin Cities to browse for stuff in all shapes and forms is the Mall of St. Paul. Stepping in there is like going to an antique mall in a smaller town – there isn’t any pretension and no hipsters (well, a minimum of hipsters) are wandering around looking for jackalopes or whatever else they saw encased in a bell jar on Design Sponge. I’ve been going there long enough now that I know exactly what booths to hit and can case their two floors in less than an hour over lunch.

Recently, they cleaned up their basement. I would be against this except that some booths down there were so crowded and forlorn, and the ceiling so low, that it felt like standing in a hoarders crawl space. Now, entire sections of it are spiffed up with new vendors who have less stuff but very well-curated – notably Rank & File (they have an etsy shop) and Rehomed Retro, who also have an eBay store, although the stuff they have in The Mall is better.

Maybe this is the year I reconsider eBay. I got so excited in 2002 when I won a t-shirt with a photo of President Jimmy Carter’s brother, Billy, on it touting his “Billy Beer.” I thought I was hot shit.

[That t-shirt will be coming out this spring. I learned the danger of storing things too long in a basement when I discovered, to my horror, that my pets.com t-shirt from 2000 (with the dog hand puppet on it – remember him?) got stained while lying in a plastic tub in my basement. I have to get out the bleach to try to save it.]

Anyway, I learned an eBay pro-tip this week on The Look Book at NY Mag that has me fired up. I’m the kind of crazy lady who is just one moto jacket away from spending  A LOT of time creating and saving searches on eBay.

On my last trip to The Mall I got a very homemade braided leather and stone necklace, a skirt with giraffes on it for spring and two coffee mugs, one of which is this:

sun your buns coffee mug

Giraffe print on skirt:

Print of giraffes on a summer skirt

And now, after nattering on for too long about stuff, the rest of The Stack:

Watching
On Sunday, FOX starts broadcasting the new Cosmos hosted by Neil Degrasse Tyson. It’s billed as an epic journey through time and space. Yeah, I could do that! There was just a phenomenal profile of Tyson in The New Yorker and he’s speaking in Minneapolis on May 8 at Beth El Synagogue. Do you follow him on Twitter? You should. If he ran for President, I would vote for him.

Wearing
A slideshow of women in biker jackets will convince you that you need a biker jacket.

If you need vintage-y clothes to wear and don’t mind it already being curated, Rewind is having their Get Pretty sale today through Sunday. They have two locations in Minneapolis – in Northeast and on Lyndale in South Minneapolis. If I go, I’m on the hunt for a sweater coat.

Books
You can’t read it yet, but if you’re a Hollywood Babylon fan (God, I hope you are!) then keep your eye on Scandals of Classic Hollywood book coming out in September. I’m not sure if I can trust it or not – no one does scandal like Kenneth Anger (and Dominick Dunne) but Ken is super old (and Dominick is dead), so we need to get our scandal re-hashes anywhere we can.

Doing
Even though I’m a nonbeliever, the idea of Lent is rather appealing this year. You know, the whole 40 days and 40 nights thing. I think people rather enjoy deprivation, as long as they know it’s not permanent. It’s just enough time to feel transformative. Forty days – that’s how long I need to get my shit together. Lent started on Wednesday and I have yet to decide my course of action, but I say better late than never.

Travel
The Modern Vintage Chicago show, which is associated with the ongoing Randolph Street Market but separate, is the weekend of May 2-4, 2014. That’s my birthday weekend. This show, which happens twice a year, it touted as the “Barney’s  of vintage.” I’m just saying.

The Short Stack: February 28

Every Friday, I share  the pop culture, fashion, lit and random blips that crossed my radar during the week. Enjoy! Or don’t. Your choice.

Listen, sometimes you have a week and sometimes the week has you. I’m sick! Sick, I tell you! It started on Monday with Mysterious Scratchy Throat and by Tuesday night I was in full-on, low-quality Mumble Sleep.

Whenever I’m sick, even with a head cold, I talk and make a lot of noise while trying to fall asleep, which I refer to as Mumble Sleep. I know, you don’t care. Who does? Not the people of Ukraine, where a lot of serious shit is going down.

This is my way of saying: I don’t have much to share this week. I’m dull. A catatonic sick woman staring at the wallpaper. Except…

There is the this amazing book: Life After Life by Kate Atkinson.

book cover of life after life by kate atkinson

I got this book on Monday-ish, started it maybe Tuesday-ish and am almost through it on Friday-ish (about 500 pages but some short sections). I have not read a novel this good in a very long time.

This book has gotten a lot of attention, as it should have, BUT I’m usually not paying attention to that kind of stuff.  I tend to think that books causing a sensation and being made into movies are either NPR-y, lit fiction, twee, I-live-in-a-swamp or I-discovered-a-dead-body-and-my-marriage-is-falling-apart or poorly written sci-fi or young-adult-sensation books.

[Does anyone else question the phrase “young adult?” Really? I never talk to a 16-year-old and think, “Why, you’re a young adult, aren’t you!”]

Which this book is not.

This makes me recall the fact that I often read novels I cherish while ill. Jane Eyre. Catcher in the Rye. I remember reading Donna Tartt’s The Secret History in college during a terrible bout of flu, huddled under my blanket in my bed in the dorm room, next to the window that didn’t prevent any of the cold air outside from rushing in. And I had a roommate. How awful is that? I’m in my death throes in a tiny space and there is still someone else to be conscious of. Someone who wants to watch Friends and try on 30 different shirts for the bar, wondering if she should go conservative or all-out boob shirt. Or body suit.

Full disclosure: I went to college in The Age of the Bodysuit and I owned, oh, maybe eight of them in different styles, colors and sleeve length. Yes, they were a pain to snap and unsnap when one had to pee but I suffered for fashion.

Anyway… what I’m saying is that Life After Life is worth dropping everything for, or being sick for. It’s the kind of book where, if I have five spare minutes I’m opening it up to get a little bit more of the story and I’m already dreading reaching the end. Be forewarned, this isn’t some mamby-pamby (is that a phrase?) “nice” novel about a woman who can’t decide what man to marry. Some of this is so hard to read that you wince. But it’s incredibly good.

So read the damn thing and I’ll work on not having dead eyes anymore or crust  forming on my eyelashes or terrible cold breath and be back next week with more pop culture and randomness than you can handle.

Don’t believe me? You want to hear about this, don’t you?

sun your buns coffee mug

Notice how I didn’t even tell you what the book is about? That’s not my job. That’s what Amazon is for, or Google. Or be an adventuresome person and just GET IT and start reading!

The Short Stack, February 21

Every Friday, I share  the pop culture, fashion, lit and random blips that crossed my radar during the week. Enjoy! Or don’t. Your choice.

Well, well, well, hipsters… look what mainstream culture has done to your precious  totem.

macys long sleve shirt with bikes on it

That’s right. It’s a knit top with bikes all over it, sold at Macy’s. Next month, they’re coming out with a penny farthing version for soccer moms to wear during the Susan G. Komen 3-Day this summer. I’m sure the men’s department is selling suspenders to wear with Calvin Klein boxer briefs.

Shoes
I needed some shoes this week. In fact, I would categorize it as a bit of a shoe emergency. So I went to the one place I thought I’d be in greatest shoe saturation – Mall of America. However, I forgot to calculate in the retail industry’s capriciousness. Although the Midwest has been locked in sub-zero temperatures tempered only by days of snow storms, retailers have decided it’s time to move on. That’s right, time to stick your frozen feet into some open-toed booties or platform sandals with wool socks.

Even DSW, which has the word “warehouse” in its name, was stripped of most weather-appropriate shoes, devoting entire rows to glorified flip flops. One row was stripped bare, as if DSW had thrown up its hands in disgust. “We will stock nothing! We will sell air! You can have Fit Flops or nothing!”

Look, I know what you’re thinking. The stores are selling for spring break (what fashion snobs call “resort season.”) Spring break? Entire stores are making their inventory choices based on the fact that a few of us might go to Orlando for a couple of days? Meanwhile, if you need something to put on your feet while you go to your job, that thing that sort of helps fuel the economy… too bad?

But, like that wise character played by Morgan Freeman in that one movie says, “Get busy living or get busy dying,” so I took to the Internet. Hooray! Lots of closed-toed shoes there. But also a lot of shoe pathos. So much analysis and strangeness that I sat there and read reviews and never bought any shoes. Here’s a sample of what I found:

“I love these shoes, they are so comfortable and edgy.” [the shoes in question could be comfortable but were certainly far from edgy]

“They jingle like you’re wearing spurs.”

“This was the first pair of Pikolinos I ever purchased, and they came out of the box reeking of a minty smell. This was so bad that both of my cats got up and left the room! I held my breath to try them on. They are insanely comfortable, but the style (which I called “prairie” and my husband called “medieval”) just wasn’t me, so I sent them back.”

“If the price dropped, I would consider it again and definitely accept it as a gift.”

“Made in Spain…and you know, Europeans are used to wear better quality shoes than we do. So they produce much better shoes than Chinese or American brands.”

“Unless you have the thinnest, flattest feet around, do not order these shoes.”

So… could Yakky Doodle wear them?

yakky doodle

Planning
Lock-ins for middle aged women called Change Your Life Lock-ins. I haven’t worked out exactly what happens during the lock-in (starting on Friday night at 8 pm and ending on Saturday morning at 10 am with a pancake breakfast) but it has elements of a boot camp for wayward teens, The Crying Game, the Hunger Games, The Breakfast Club and that annual episode of Oprah where she gave away her favorite things to the audience.

Watching
Captain Phillips was stinky. I don’t get why it took the Navy Seals like five days to do anything. Plus, Tom Hanks has very, very strange man nipples that pretty much took over the final scene. Can they be nominated for Best Supporting Actor?

Sunset Boulevard is streaming on Netflix.

The Pajama Game is worth watching, by all accounts, and is next on my musical list. Cuz I have that list. In my purse. Just in case I’m out somewhere and hear about a hot musical.

Cutie and the Boxer is heartbreaking and uplifting in unexpected ways. Right now it has my vote for the Academy Award, although I’ve seen none of the other nominated docs. Somehow I’m never in the mood to watch The Act of Killing after a long day when I could be watching dudes wipe out at the end of their ski cross run at the Olympics.

Reading
The Group by Mary McCarthy. Excellent pessary drama!

The Hare with the Amber Eyes keeps coming up for me over and over again. Does that ever happen to you with a book? You keep seeing it, keep reading about it, keep hearing other people recommend until finally you say, “Fine! Give it here.” Also, related to that, the novel The Exiles Return.

Did you know it’s the 50th anniversary of Harriet the Spy? What the hell? How is that possible?? A special edition is being released on Tuesday, Feb. 25. So, you know, put that shit on your Amazon Wish List and all (to borrow an elegant phrase from Zappos: “I would consider it again and definitely accept it as a gift.”) Here’s a factoid about author Louise Fitzhugh:  she attended three different colleges but never obtained a degree. I’m not sure why that is so very special to me.

Fashion
New York Magazine called my attention to the fact that “Disco Dresses” are a major theme for spring. Did someone say disco dresses?? Let me push my way to the front of the crowd. I’ve been waiting for disco dresses to have a renaissance since I was six and jealous of the slinky, one-armed sequin dresses my Barbie got to wear. Yes, Lanvin, Reem Acra, Gucci and  Versace are pumping out metallic, slinky goodness. But really, why pay thousands when you can get that shit for a few dollars at the thrift? Get down there right now and start snapping up the lamé. Has Macklemore taught us nothing?

A hot mess of disco dresses ready for spring
A hot mess of disco dresses from New York Magazine.

There’s a snow storm raging outside, there’s women’s long program figure skating on TV and it’s time to call it. But before I go, here’s an Olympic memory… Remember Surya Bonaly? Yeah, that back flip. Ah, the 90s.

The Short Stack, February 14, Love Day

Every Friday, I share  the pop culture, fashion, lit and random blips that crossed my radar during the week. (+ stuff like art) Except today when I share thoughts about love. Enjoy!

je t'aime valentines day card with cute cat

What a week. I don’t know about you, but I’m plum tuckered out today, Friday, Valentine’s Day. While other people are slipping into things made of lace and silk and getting ready to spend mucho dinero on a fancy dinner, I’m slipping into comfy pajama pants purchased  from The House of Kohl’s.  Hey, work hard, play hard, that’s my motto.

But that doesn’t mean that I don’t have two, yes, exactly two, V Day love-related thoughts to share.

Celebrate it, don’t celebrate, sneer at it, call it a Hallmark holiday in front of your co-workers then go home and cry yourself to sleep –  the truth is this is just one day but we all do need love. We don’t need thong underwear that comes balled up and packaged in the shape of a rose.

Love begins with your own self. Learning to love yourself is the greatest gift… well… OK, we all know how that turned out. But still…

My first thought on love is really a thought on celebrating the small things as they pertain to you, an individual in this moment. Not you and Jimmy or you and Lindsay, etc. etc.

“Chocolate is delicious, beautiful sights and sounds are all around, you do get many things done each day, and you do make a difference to others… There are people who wish you well, who like you, who see the good in you. Almost certainly, you are loved. Your kind heart and good intentions are real, they exist. You’ve created much good in the past and you continue to do so in the present. Like me, you’re not a perfect person – no one is – but you are a good one.” – Rick Hanson, Hardwiring Happiness

Thought on love #2: I’ve been married for almost eleven years. It’s edging into the territory where I feel like I have opinions and shit about what makes a good marriage, but I’ve never been able to encapsulate them as well as Ann Patchett does in her essay “This Is the Story of a Happy Marriage.”

“Standing waist deep in the swimming pool at Yaddo, I received a gift – it was the first decent piece of instruction about marriage I had ever been given in my twenty-five years of life. ‘Does your husband make you a better person?’ Edra asked.

There I was in that sky-blue pool beneath a bright blue sky, my fingers breaking apart the light on the water, and I had no idea what she was talking about.

‘Are you smarter, kinder, more generous, more compassionate, a better writer?’ she said, running down her list. ‘Does he make you better?'”

‘That’s not the question,’ I said. ‘It’s so much more complicated than that.’

‘It’s not more complicated than that,’ she said. ‘That’s all there is: Does he make you better and do you make him better?'”

Yes. That’s really all there is.

And yes, yes, yes, yes and yes, a thousand times yes. Plus, scallops and garlic mashed potatoes.

I would be remiss if I didn’t leave you with a Valentine’s Day gift: best friends who try out tips from the Internet together! Now that’s love.

 

 

 

The Short Stack, February 7

Every Friday, I share  the pop culture, fashion, lit and random blips that crossed my radar during the week. (+ stuff like art) Enjoy!

woman wearing swimming suit on cross country skis in the snow
What? Me, cold? Sick of the winter? Not a chance!

Reading:
My life is being permeated by Frank Sinatra. First, there’s the fact that I’ve been listening to “That’s Life” on repeat as I drive to work in the morning to give myself an extra boost in order to face another sub-zero day. It’s helpful to be reminded that you can be riding high in April, shot down in May.

Frank loomed large in Ava Gardner: The Secret Conversations (I need to quit that book like its Brokeback Mountain). She revealed tidbits about their marriage like this:

“Anyway, I heard this gun go off. We’d been fighting, of course. And drinking. Every single night, we would have three or four martinis, big ones, in big champagne glasses, then wine with dinner, then go to a nightclub and start drinking Scotch or bourbon.”

Considering this info, it was a little weird to open New York Magazine this week and see  this ad for Jack Daniels:

jack daniel's ad featuring Frank Sinatra

If you can’t read the paragraph copy it says he was even buried with a bottle of it, I guess to help ease his transition to the after world. Only in America can a person who abused a substance while living become it’s spokesperson and center of its marketing campaign in death.

And then, Keith brought this article from the New York Daily News to my attention – Paul Anka’s got a new memoir out called My Way (Paul Anka?! Sigh. Put it on the reading list. I cannot resist a show biz tell-all) that’s got a lot of Frank (and frank) material, too.

This week, the twists and turns in the Farrow Clan vs. Woody Allen drama were more than I could keep up with. Dylan Farrow in the NYT. The defected Moses Farrow in People. Oy. This whole thing could only be sorted out by one person: Dominick Dunne. Unfortunately, he’s no longer with us, so we’ll never get to read his 50,000-word article about it in Vanity Fair.

That got me thinking about Dominick, so I pulled his book The Way We Lived Then off my bookshelf. It’s a great Hollywood memoir/photo book mixed with his own riches to rags to semi-riches story. He battled alcohol and drug addiction that caused him to lose his wife and his position as a producer in Hollywood only to battle back, recreating himself as a writer.

And, of course, if you’re in the mood for books about out-of-control comedians (who isn’t!?):
Wired
The Chris Farley Show
Furious Cool

Still waiting for something that plumbs the depths of Jerry Lewis.

Watching:
Of course, Phillip Seymour Hoffman. The news had me longing to watch The Talented Mr. Ripley (streaming now on Netflix!) again, which is not just beautifully-shot, excellently cast but also filled with terrific dialog and cringe-worthy moments. This movie has a lot to say about class in America even though it takes place in Italy.  It sucks to be poor, especially when you’re hanging out with rich people, but don’t… ah… murder anyone over it. Who better to play the rich snob Freddie X than PSH? His voice, his inflections, the roll of his eyes – the first time I saw this movie (way back in the day – at the theater with my parents!) I didn’t quite grasp that he was acting, so perfectly did he embody the role.

Which Makes Me Think of More Reading:
Patricia Highsmith (author of Ripley) is on my reading list:  the biography, The Talented Miss Highsmith: The Secret Life and Serious Art of Patricia Highsmith, plus her books The Two Faces of January (adapted for a movie coming out this year starring Viggo Mortensen, Oscar Isaac and Kirsten Dunst) and The Price of Salt (the first published lesbian love story with a happy ending) which is sometimes called Carol (as it will be when it comes out as a movie starring Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara and directed by Todd Haynes).

Wearing:
I wish I was wearing any of these costumes French photographer Charles Fréger documented in Europe.

Doing:
We’re heading to the Graves 601 Hotel this weekend for a mini-escape, during which we’ll pretend to be visiting this strange, cold world known as Minneapolis as if visitors from a foreign land. Looking forward to cocktails at Bradstreet and brunch at Hell’s Kitchen.

Next Friday is Valentine’s Day (look forward to a special love edition of Short Stack!). I have to admit I like this holiday. Like many people, I hated it when I was younger and not attached. Now I like it because it’s full of cute things in pink and it really doesn’t require much prep work if you don’t think you have to be cheesy about it. Plus, you can use it to widen the definition of the holiday and celebrate whoever you love, not just your lover. I will be giving my dog a special treat that day for being such a faithful friend.

Be happy we’re all here together. Make it an excuse to wear something bright. Make sure all your Christmas decorations are tucked away. Be bright and full of hope.

Order something cheap and pretty. Like this.

If you’ve got an arty person in your life this V-Day, consider taking them to go see Monuments Men and then buzz on over to the Minneapolis Institute of Arts to go on a Monuments Men tour of artwork rescued by this group of art heroes. My favorite kind of heroes. Or go on Valentine’s Day Eve, which is a Thursday night, when the museum is open until 9 pm and you’ll probably have most of the galleries to yourself, which means no one will mind if you steal a kiss in the Prairie School Architecture gallery.

Listening:
Hope my own sister is reading this, because I found our Halloween costumes…

You Wanna Hot Body? Call Britney.

black cutout heartThere was a window of time, back in my 20s, when I could have been considered a “gym rat,” meaning I went there a lot because I didn’t have much else to do. As a result, I lost a bunch of weight and fit into a pair of tiny pants that I wore to that one party that one time and never wore again. I found them four years later while cleaning out some old clothes and marveled at the circumference of the waist. It was an oddity, like excavating Pompeii and uncovering the sleeping dog forever frozen in ash.

I know what was motivating me then: I was single. Now that I’ve been married for a long time, I need new motivation and it came in the form of standing in a dressing room and looking at what was becoming of my body. I looked at my back fat and thought, “I’m not ready to give up.” I’m not going quietly out to pasture, or worse, to the glue factory. I can still be foxy.

But I needed a task master. Enter Britney Spears.

Britney Spears, Work Bitch video

If anyone knows what it’s like to go to seed, Britney does. If girl doesn’t watch it, she tends to get a gut. But still, she came back from paunchy, jean-short wearing baldness to be pretty fly, so I feel safe in her hands. That’s why her song “Work Bitch,” is my absolute fav workout song.

heart-2.1You wanna hot body
You wanna Bugatti
You wanna Maserati

You better work bitch

Yes, yes (I had to look up what a Bugatti is but, yeah, it’s pretty hot) and sure, why not? Let’s stay with that hot body for a second. At least Britney is being honest with you… you want a hot body? Look, you gots to put in the time. And if that means you have to stay on that elliptical machine in front of the gym window, staring out into a January night of sub-zero temps wishing for all the world you were at home on the couch with a pint of caramel/cone/fudge/pretzel ice cream, so be it. And for God’s sake don’t be one of those women who read a magazine while they work out.

Look, if you’re tired of the arm flab, if you can’t stand to let your thighs expand one more inch, you better crank that mo-fo up to level 11.

heart-1

You wanna Lamborghini
Sip martinis
Look hot in a bikini

You better work bitch

OK, so there’s more emphasis on cars than I’d like (do you think she had trouble thinking of other things to want?). I drive a Kia. The most envious I can remember being of a car was on a recent snowy day when a woman with a new Subaru Outback plowed right through a snowy parking lot like it was no biggie.

But, hell yes, I want to sip martinis and I want firm arms while doing it. I don’t want to reach for my martini only to have my triceps wobble like I’m doling out mashed potatoes in the lunch room. Double points for me if I’m sipping a martini on someone’s fab yacht while wearing a bikini (in my mind, when I’m on the treadmill, this bikini is always white. A white bikini is super Britney, isn’t it? Maybe I need a white bikini. With little gold stars all over it.)

heart-4

You wanna live fancy
Live in a big mansion
Party in France

You better work bitch

Everyone knows you can’t party in France if you’re fat! They are all skinny over there! Really though, I don’t need a mansion. A house with two bathrooms would be just fine. But I do want to live fancy by having some hot jeans that look great in the butt.

Which brings me to exercise payoff #1: since my renewed attention to exercise, I achieved a dream: I fit into a pair of jeans I’ve been saving because they used to fit me and I was sad that they no longer did. I remember wearing this pair of jeans and having extra room in the ass. Then all the sudden (it seemed) I couldn’t get them over my ass. Now they are up and zipped and just somewhat tight. I can sit in them comfortably.

I am so into them. And these are cheap jeans! These are not Rag and Bone or Hudson or even 7 For All Mankind. I think the brand is TINT, which probably folded up shop after producing jeans in Bangladesh for about 2 months back in 2007. They are not even skinny jeans because skinny jeans weren’t even invented yet when I bought them. I don’t care. I’ve been rocking the TINTs like every other day.

black cutout heartBring it on
Ring the alarm
Don’t stop now
Just be the champion
Work it hard like it’s your profession
Watch out now
‘Cause here it comes

The last time I did my cardio workout and was sucking air in mile two of my run, this song came on and when she sang, “Work it hard like it’s your profession,” I thought, “Hell, yes, working out is like a second job.” I finish work and I go to my part-time job at the gym, which is becoming a hard body.

heart-7Go call the police
Go call the governor
I bring the trouble
That means the trouble y’all
I make it bubble up
Call me the bubbler
I am the bad bitch
The bitch that you love enough

Yes, alert Governor Mark Dayton: I’m working out again. You will want to sip martinis with me and discuss the shortage of propane this winter and if you are super nice I will show you my biceps.

Honestly, this is the most ridiculous part of the song, especially if you grew up in Wisconsin calling a water fountain a “bubbler.”

But it ends on just the right note: be the bitch that you love enough (to whip into shape.)

If you have a hard time working out, I suggest losing yourself in a fantasy. Pretend you’re Britney. It’s 2009 and your hair is almost all grown back in. The meds are working. You divorced Kevin! Now The Circus starring Britney Spears Tour is about to begin and all eyes are on you. You’ve committed to some sexy costumes, including a spangly bikini. If Britney could do this all this stuff (granted she’s got resources, but it still couldn’t have been easy), you can go on the treadmill and pretend to be her for twenty minutes.

So hold your head high
Fingers to the sky
Now they don’t believe ya
But they gonna need ya
Keep it building higher and higher
Keep it building higher and higher

Work work work work work work work work (Work!)

Britney Spears with whip

The Short Stack: January 31 (Finally)

Every Friday, I share  the pop culture, fashion, lit and randomness that crossed my radar during the week. + stuff like food. Enjoy!

First things first… masks and eye coverings are on the rise in fashion…. it’s time to hide your face, I guess.

masks featured on models in fashion ads
Masks in Dior ad, Louis Vuitton ad, Calvin Klein editorial.

Oh Maw Gawd The Weather
Not only does the weather suck, it’s sucking the life out of me. I got stranded in a snowbank trying to go to Body Pump! Not a finer moment. Plus, my hair is gross. My dog is crazy. So crazy I was looking at puppies online today, thinking that if I just gave her something interactive to play with, she’d stop whining. People are mean to each other. There is no civility. Mad Men is not coming back until April? Great, we’ll all be dead by then.

[Favorite Mad Men scene: Don enters a meeting and Lane is going over their expenses from their Baltimore trip and then complains about office supplies and disappearing credenzas. Don leaves the meeting.]

Reading
I’m not sure how anyone who had Ava Gardner calling him at 3 am to slur her deepest, darkest secrets manages to write a boring book but Peter Evans pulled it off. Granted, after she spilled the beans she decided against publishing  – he had to wait until she died and then, after he finished writing it, he died. Makes me wonder if Ava Gardner: The Secret Conversations is a first draft. Maybe he sent it to his editor with a note that said, “Here’s something I banged out over the weekend. What do you think?” and then kicked off that very night. In any case, you have to read A LOT of the same conversation before you get to the dirt. Take out all those parts where she’s wondering if she’d doing the right thing by telling her story and you’re left with about 20 pages of what a horn dog Mickey Rooney was, what a brute Artie Shaw and George C Scott were and something about Sinatra having a big dick.

About to embark upon Tori Spelling memoir number 3: uncharted terriTORI. After flipping through it I suspect that it’s about as uncharted as a Sandals resort in the Bahamas: seems like a retread of Mommywood. But I can’t say no to this…

Tori Spelling
Safari, anyone?

Plus, I want to be completely up-to-date when living in purgaTORI, her book about her troubles with Dean cheating and going to rehab, comes out. Christmas, er, Hanukkah, 2014?

Here’s what happened to Charlie from Girls, in case you care.

Wearing
Sweatshirts (or sweaters) with lace fronts. See here. That’s all I have to say. Kind of “Physical” by Olivia Newton John meets Stevie Nicks running errands.

Also, I got back into a pair of jeans I wore in… 2008. They are not in style. They were probably not in style then. I have never been so happy. (see reference to Body Pump above.)

Eating
Do you have a hard time figuring out what to snack on? I spend more time figuring out what is an appropriate snack than worrying about my retirement fund (which I spend zero time thinking about – I’m American!) Now baked pea crisps are sweeping the country. One week I had never had a baked pea and now I’m being offered them by strangers. My boss has an economy-size bag on her desk. And there must be a very effective marketing campaign going on because no fewer than three people have said to me, “Probably not great for you but so much better than eating potato chips.” May I ask when is the last time you saw anyone having a bag of potato chips for a snack? But here’s the truth about the peas.

Meanwhile, I’m falling in love with vegan chef Isa Chandra Moskowitz. I got her recipe book, Isa Does It!, for Xmas and I’ve made meals that have rocked the house. Plus, she has her website, The Post Punk Kitchen, with new recipes all the time, like this one for buffalo chickpea pitas with ranch for Super Bowl/ Puppy Bowl/Kitten Bowl. Get on that Isa train! She’s also on Twitter. And she lives in Omaha.

Doing
Nothing. Everything. Cardio. Staring at the wall. Watching dogs cross country ski.

Keith says, “Everyone should go running this weekend. Running is good.”

The Short Stack: January 24

Every Friday, I share  the pop culture, fashion, lit and random blips that were on my radar during the week. Enjoy! 

Let’s get the important stuff out of the way first. Is it me, or is putting a necklace on a baby, especially a black necklace of, like, a spider, pretty creep?

baby wearing a creepy necklace

Second in importance only to babies wearing costume jewelery, I’ve been exercising. Big deal, right? Well, it’s a big deal when you are starting from ground zero for arm muscles – suddenly you’re in a Body Pump class doing bicep curls in unison with 35 other people, some of whom have something to prove. I’ve now done the class three times and I go home and stand in front of the mirror looking for definition. What gets me through the class is thinking about the day I will wear a tank top, long flowy skirt and some kind of pretentious fedora on a summer day, preferably to an art show in a park, and I look amazing.

Soon I’ll be able to get in on the tail end of the moto craze. I’ll buy cute new clothes from Blank NYC (vegan clothing!) and Everlane (fair trade!).

It’s not all about clothes, even though I make it sound like that. Caring about clothes too much makes you boring, like the intern we just got rid of at work who spent 98% of her free time shopping and getting dressed, 1% sleeping, .5% eating and .5% doing work for us. She would prance into work mid-afternoon in these super cute, trendy outfits (I never saw her in the same outfit in 6 months), full make-up, hair all done up and it would turn out that all the fanfare was so that she could go have coffee with her dad. Hmmm… that brings us to…

Watching
Lifetime: I know the ratings were through the roof, but your Flowers In the Attic was a big yawn. OK, I give you that it was more “true to the book” than the original film adaptation in that you actually followed the plot – mostly – but what’s with no sex scenes? What’s with one little glimpse of Kiernan Shipka in a choppy wig instead of making her shave her head after the hair-cutting scene? Let’s take some cable-sized risks. I’ll tell you one thing: the kid who played Cory in the 1987 movie did a much better job of acting as though he were dying of poisoning:

Cory in Flowers in the attic
Now that’s what I call acting!

All this terribleness, combined with Heather Grahams’ insatiable desire to chew the scenery (I think her sole talent is that she can rock a pencil skirt),  made me wonder what V.C. Andrews would think, which made me wonder about V.C. Andrews, which got me to Googling and then this surprisingly thorough VC Andrews article on BuzzFeed.

Project Runway: Under the Gunn… YES! It started out slow but by the end of episode one, which you can watch for free, it started to look as though mentor Nick Verreos is assembling the Bad News Bears of fashion designers. Must watch.

Following
Bad Banana
Senile Don Draper
We Are New Yorkers

Reading
Homer and Langley by E.L. Doctorow, a fictional account of New York’s Collyers brothers (hermits and hoarders) that is good to read at 1 am when you can’t sleep.

Conquered Tori Spelling’s Mommywood mountain, though it was tough going and I had to start skimming in order to preserve some faith in humanity. That hasn’t stopped me from reserving Uncharted terriTORI at the library (and yes, the grammar on that, including lack of capitalization, drive me insane).

Going (if I ever recover from exercising)
“Vivian Maier: Out of the Shadows” exhibit opens at the Minneapolis Photo Center tonight.
Zinnia Folk Arts is having a series of trunk shows with artist B.J. Christofferson.
Don’t forget this month-long vintage sale – Blacklist Vintage in Mpls is closing!
Show your love for the Mpls Institute of Arts by doing this stamp thingy and you’ll get a big discount in the museum store + be entered to win something fab + you’ll be at the museum and can look at lots of art, like this:

painting by Santos Dumont

Listening
Chromeo!

Making
You could make this Admiral Sackbar puppet for someone and it would be cute.

The Short Stack: January 17

Every Friday, I share  the pop culture, fashion, lit and random blips that were on my radar during the week. Enjoy! 

Reading
Are you guys reading Bitches Gotta Eat? It’s the funniest thing out there. Especially if you’re feeling shitty about stuff. And she’s got a book out called Meaty that is hilarious.

Meaty by Samantha Irby - buy it!

I finished the first Tori Spelling book, sTORI Telling, and I immediately got Mommywood. Why am I doing this to myself? I think I find Tori’s confusion compelling and comforting. When something goes wrong, she never says the things we’re taught to say as adults. Stuff like, “Well, life isn’t fair, so I guess this is just the way it’s gonna be.” Instead, every tiny twist and turn her life takes is dissected, no matter how inconsequential, as if it will suddenly be different if she LiveJournals… I mean writes about it. Her contradictions are endearing – in the first book, she berated her mother for always throwing her Raggedy Ann themed birthday parties; in book two she’s nostalgic for those Raggedy Ann parties. She spends a lot of time talking about the birthday parties she had as a kid  in both books, saying how over-the-top they were. Then she throws her one-year-old an over-the-top party complete with a cake from the same bakery her mother got her cakes from. Oh, Tori.

[Confession: now that things are blowing up with Dean, it seems like the Tori divorce memoir can’t be that far off. One night when I had trouble sleeping I spent my time trying to think of a good title for it that would incorporate “Tori” or “Spelling” (her other books are uncharted terriTORI, celebraTORI and Spelling It Like It Is and was disappointed in myself when I couldn’t come up with anything.]

Watching
Soon I’ll be watching Tim Gunn’s new show Under the Gunn (har?) Finally getting out from underneath the yoke of Heidi, and with Anya Ayoung-Chee and Nick Verreos as mentors? Swaddle me in a chic, tasteful blanket, hand me a glass of pinot and leave me alone with the TV for an hour.

And this Flowers in the Attic thingy too, also on Lifetime? Wow, Lifetime. Are you reading my mind? Next thing you know they’re going to give Tori a talk show.

Flowers in the Attic cast

Resolutioning
No big surprise, I’d love to lose some lbs. in 2014, just like the rest of America. So I went to Body Pump and made myself really sore as punishment. Raising my arms up more than a few inches made me grunt with pain for several days. I had to look up exactly which muscles were sore in my arms: apparently I haven’t been giving my deltoids, brachialis or brachioradialis enough to do in the past fifteen years. I WILL NOT BE DETERRED!

I have to say I can’t wait until all the weak-willed people give up and I can get a parking spot at the gym. By late February I’ll be parking in the front row. And while I’m complaining, let me add that the track at the gym is not the place to conduct your lover’s spat. A couple on Tuesday night managed to have a fight while walking the track, then started jogging, gave each other the cold shoulder while doing a million crunches while side-by-side on mats in the stretching area, then headed out for some more laps, during which the woman walked like she was sleepwalking, weaving into other people’s paths as she contemplated what an asshole her boyfriend is. I have to hand it to them though – they were there to exercise and, by god, they did it.

We’ve been eating more vegan-y. This is the cookbook where I’m getting all my good ideas these days – Isa Does It! It is amazing. It is wildly delicious. Double the pancake recipes.

Happening
It is winter. I hardly leave the house. I am boring and going insane. I am reading Tori Spelling memoirs as if they matter.

Unfortunately, Blacklist Vintage in Minneapolis is closing. Bad if you want some vintage come spring. Good if you want to go to a big sale starting January 25. OK, some Mary Tyler Moore-style blouses might get me out of the house.

Do you totally hate all your clothes right now? I have nothing to wear to go see 12 Years a Slave.

Listening
This song, originally from Karate Kid, is the best workout song there is. Why this is set to Rocky in this video, I don’t know  – the rippling thigh scene on the beach is cool though.

This is the song they’re going to play when I show up at Body Pump from now on: