Going Off To That Big Canadian Pavilion In The Sky
I know that you’ve been losing sleep over what’s happening with the film American Sunset, so I thought I’d tell you about this press release announcing that it’s going to showcase at Cannes.
Wait. What? You’ve never heard of American Sunset?
Seriously? Corey Haim’s final attempt to act?
Yes, I’m talking about Corey Haim and Cannes at the same time. But back to that in a minute.
So there’s an interesting contest going on in Minneapolis right now called One Man Minneapolis. Basically, if I’ve got it down right, they are going to crown one man from Minneapolis/St. Paul “The One.” The one man who best represents “COMMUNITY INVOLVEMENT, PERSONALITY, INTELLIGENCE, AND FITNESS.” [Shouting text not the author's own.]
But like any beauty pageant for women, isn’t this stuff entirely subjective? Intelligence? Are we having them take tests? Submit SAT scores or IQ tests? Personality? Fitness… I guess this is a nicer way of saying “hotness?”
But You Are In That Chair! Cheats & Scoundrels Edition
From time to time, Baby Jane Hudson appears here with her question and answer column, But You Are In That Chair: Baby Jane’s Advice For the Confused, Depressed and Clueless. Today’s special focus is Douche Bags In the News: Ladies Take Notes!
Dear Baby Jane,
My heart is broken for Sandra Bullock! From the high high of winning a Best Actress Oscar to the low low of losing her husband Jesse James to a tramp, I don’t know how she’s holding it all together. Today I read online that Hollywood is rallying behind her. Do you think Sandra will be OK and make more wonderful movies like The Blind Side?
America’s Other Sweetheart
Tagalong, Texas
Let’s play a game! Which “Missed Connections” from Craig’s List listed below are FAKE?
girl in keys cafe, you blow my minnnnd
daaaaym, baby u were fine as hell. i think u were sum kinda latinaaaa. baby girl, im jus trynna holla. u had sum sexy ass brown eyes n DANG GURL. i kno ur name wuz sam and i just wanted to taste your caramel. cum on, plz reply if u eva read this. i think i luv u. u smelled so nice. n if ur not interested, that hottie redhead can holla too.
The First Page in “WTF: The Book” Comes To Us From Ohio
Yesterday, while driving to work, I was listening to the radio and heard about Lawrence Reynolds Jr., a death row inmate in Ohio who was scheduled to be killed on March 9th but instead took a drug overdose on the 7th and had to be taken to a hospital for resuscitation. Once they were sure that he was back in stable condition, the Ohio state prison system promptly scheduled his death by lethal injection.
I’ve gotten interested in the trials and tribulations of former Twin Cities auto king Denny Hecker. By sifting through many media sites, I have compiled the following time line detailing the rise and fall of The Heck. This time line is a living thing… new information comes in daily and I’m sure there are also errors or improperly worded points. If you have some major Hecker news or corrections to add, please let me know via comments. I’ll be updating it as new info becomes available. Without further ado…
Laughing In The Face Of Fate:
The Denny Hecker Story
1950s-1970s
Denny Hecker is born in 1952 and raised in North Minneapolis.
1970: Hecker graduates from Patrick Henry High School in Minneapolis and marries his first wife, Judith Martin, the following fall. They stay married for less than two years. He does a brief stint in college and then drops out to sell cars at a local dealership. Cars, it seems, were his destiny.
1973: Hecker marries Sandra Storm (who may or may not be a comic book heroine). They remain married for ten years and have two daughters.
C’mon, This Is Boondock… Don’t Screw Around!
In 1997, Troy Duffy was poised to be the next Quentin Tarantino. Well, maybe the next Robert Rodriguez. He was, for a very brief time, Harvey Weinstein’s pet and Weinstein’s Miramax Films was going to produce Troy’s first-ever script, The Boondocks Saints. Miramax was going to shell out $15 million to make the movie and allow Duffy, who had never directed even so much as a home video, to direct. But soon enough Harvey got bored with Duffy, or more likely found him to actually be an unoriginal, slightly psychotic bore, and stopped returning his phone calls, which one could do if one was Harvey in 1997 (today not so much). A person would have had to work pretty hard to be more irritating than Harvey Weinstein in 1997 but Troy Duffy managed it.
I Am the Strength Inside My Strength Heart. I STAND TALL!
Annoying Ways In Which Annoying People Use Twitter
1. People who are on Twitter to promote things, probably for pay, who think they are being clever in the way they do it:
“Just flattened my hair with the new Blacksmith Iron by Hair Thing Maker and it’s fabulous. My hair hasn’t looked this good since my senior picture.”
“Made a sandwich and didn’t know what to put it in and then saw my new box of ZIPLOC Super Zip sandwich bags!”
“I love the indie band SOFT PALETTE and their new album KNOCK YOUR TEETH OUT. Got it at WalMart for $8.99.”
I got up early today to do the running. Yep, ran around Lake Harriet in a slightly less ridiculous outfit.
Here was my internal dialogue:
“Wow, here I am down at the lake before 7:00. Wow. I’m dedicated. I’m going to slowly jog this lake like its never been slowly jogged before. Am I crazy? I mean, I’m up early! Suited up and jogging! And it’s kinda cold out… Am I dressed warmly enough? Sun’s coming up so I’ll probably heat up. You have to be super dedicated to do this. Wow, I’m walking fast to warm up…”
Guy runs by me and says, “Good pace!”
“WTF? Good pace? I’m walking. Well, I’m walking fast. Probably he’s never seen such a fast, well-paced walker. Wow, I’m out here doing this! With all the other runners. I’m really putting myself out there! Way to go, me!”
And then I jogged past an old man with a CANE, slowly walking around the lake and looking out for the ice. An old guy with a cane. On ice. And I suddenly felt very foolish. What I was doing was not all that special. He was up and out and caning his way around the lake with fierce determination before the sun was all the way up.
“Good morning!” the old man said. He was very chipper and his face was very red from the cold.
“Good morning,” I said.
And then I stopped congratulating myself and concentrated on the running.
I’m Back In The Saddle (Again)
Last Sunday I began my latest running campaign. I’ve talked about running here before and how I’m somewhat of a Special Needs runner. But I still feel compelled to run. Mostly it’s because I feel the need to be outside, alone, not thinking.
And it’s easy to not think about anything when I’m struggling to breathe. From the moment I start running I really only have one thought, which is, “When can I stop running?”