Clown Salad In the Locker Room

A Collection of Atrocities Committed in Men’s Locker Rooms at Gyms in Middle America

[There are no illustrations to accompany this post and soon you will be thanking me for that.]

*As reported by Keith Pille and Matt Waite

Sweaty, paunchy dude walking around the locker room naked, walks past a bin of dirty towels, shrugs, reaches in, grabs one, and starts wiping himself down.

Man blow-drying his balls with the wall-mounted hand dryer.

Old man applying some kind of liniment that smelled like cat piss.

Went to take sweater out of locker while getting dressed after working out only to find a nasty, used Q-tip left inside the locker by some sick fuck stuck to it.

Old man clipping nasty, thick yellow toenails and leaving them on the carpet. Bonus: he clips too close and starts bleeding. Another variation: old, naked man bent over clipping his toenails while pointing the wrong end at you as you walk in the door.

Old naked men watching Fox News – my God, do they watch Fox News in resplendent wrinkly nakedness. Or sports. One guy sat butt nekkid watching Oprah.

The Naked Man Gossip Circle. Talking. Laughing. Naked.
An oldie but goodie from the Bally Total Fitness days: old man taking a shower and using his tighty whiteys as a washcloth.

Old man sleeping naked on locker room couch.

Man shaving in steam room, just tapping the razor onto the bench tiles after each pass so that his hairs are scattered there. Bonus: he leaves the razor in the steam room.

Old naked man eating a bag of potato chips… naked… in the locker room… at the gym. Why, God, why?

Old men spritzing their balls with cologne… Septuagenarians hosing themselves down with Axe Body Spray.

Note: Although I’ve worked out at various gyms and taken many exercise classes throughout the years, I was not able to come up with anything from a women’s locker room that would rival these anecdotes (I did once have a disturbing encounter with a woman who was having some sort of mental break while in an empty studio, stretching, but that’s another story) So, are women just cleaner? More courteous? More inhibited? If you have a woman’s locker room atrocity to share, comment!

4 thoughts on “Clown Salad In the Locker Room

  1. Fresh Clown Salad, hot from the steam table: got done working out, came back to find someone else’s sweaty underwear wadded up on the floor in front of my locker. No stool, no lock on an adjacent locker, no other clothes. Just the sweaty underwear.

  2. What?! Women are just as bad! What about the woman I saw at the Y, completely naked except for her hair wrapped in a towel, brushing her teeth at the large mirrored sink?! The hair wrap was completely superfluous in my opinion.

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