If you tried to watch episode 11 of Smash but fell asleep, partly because your life is busy and full but also because the show lulled you into a comatose state, it’s OK.
You didn’t miss much. And I’m here to tell you about it.
Here are this week’s Smash Notes.
Julia: Someone has her Smart Girl glasses on! Ready to move on from her other personas (40-ish Suburban Nester, Irresponsible Creative Type and Bad Girl, respectively), this week Julia donned glasses and turtleneck sweaters in order to broadcast that she’s a bad person, everything is her fault and that she must now put her child first. There must have been a lot of downtime on the train this week and the self-help books came out of the expensive handbag.
Tiny Dancer, Hold Me Close: Things heated up between Tom and Tiny Dancer from the show’s chorus. Although Tom exhibited signs of frigidity with his gay, Republican lawyer boyfriend, he’s revving his engine for Tiny Dancer.
But Tiny Dancer put up a roadblock when Tom wanted to get frisky. First, he says he’s old-fashioned. Then he says he believes in God. Finally, he says sex is holy.
And there was something about Republicans not owning God, which I’m pretty sure is incorrect.
I admire what NBC is trying to do. These barriers aren’t going to break themselves down, are they? Black guy who is gay! A gay guy who doesn’t want to hop into bed! A gay guy who believes in God!
But, all rolled together like this into one big, diverse roll-up, it’s a bit too After School Special for me. Something that would be titled “Duane Is One of Us.” All that’s missing is Tiny Dancer taking Tom home to meet… his three adopted children from Cambodia.
Did I mention that Tiny Dancer loves sports?
Best movie title: Uma Thurman guest-starred this week as Rebecca Duvall, the celebrity hired to play Marilyn. She gives everyone free passes to her new movie Casual Friday 2. I would so see that movie! Despite the fact that the fake scene from it they showed was basically a car commercial, I’m picturing it as a rom com about two employees/love interests who can only relate to each other on casual Fridays, when they’re allowed to wear their jeans.
Evil Intern: He’s turning gay, OK? I knew it the second I saw him in a ribbed tank top. But now we’re going to need to have the tortuous scenes of Evil Intern having his own Spring Awakening.
Strange Child, Leo: What 16-year-old kid says, “If I get a B on my physics test, can I meet Rebecca Duvall, who is over 40?” That would be like a teen boy saying, “If I get a B on my physics test, can I meet Uma Thurman, who is over 40?” Not happening! Teen boys don’t fantasize about Uma Thurman. I’m not sure who they fantasize about – the only possibility I can come up with is Nicki Minaj because I’m hopelessly out of touch – but I’m sure it’s not Uma.
Hmmm: Is it racist when Rebecca Duvall asks that everyone have a powwow? Oh, no? It’s just annoying? OK.
Mommie Dearest, Wig: When Uma appears in her “fantasy” Marilyn number (this happens a lot on the show – suddenly its as if we’re watching the real production, complete with costumes), I initially got whiffs of Judy Garland doing her final shows in London.
Although Uma is obviously a beautiful woman, there was something about the black pants and flats they put her in and the ginger way she moved around the stage, as if her hip was bothering her. And the wig.
Actually, the wig on Uma reminded me of Faye Dunaway playing Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest. There was something very off about it.
Just as it’s hard to accept that Debra Messing wears huge cardigans because she now has a booty, it’s hard to see age lines on Uma. Not for the reasons you might think. I don’t begrudge them their changing bodies and laugh lines. But it’s a reminder of my own aging.
That got kind of serious, didn’t it? I need to have a powwow to figure out my issues. Where are my glasses and turtleneck sweater?