Archive for August, 2011
Fall Overhaul Part I
August 31, 201199 Projects: Calling Card
August 30, 2011Project # 5: Calling Card
I’ve been into the idea of making a calling card for a long time. I like the idea of a simple card with just a name and a way to get in touch with someone. Not a business card, mind you, although they have their place (when I was looking at card ideas online, I came across this post with all these fab designs for business cards, some more successful than others). In the old-timey days, calling cards could be as simple as this:
Right now I am looking for a job and have no “business card” to hand out. That’s why I’m happy to have my new calling card. The last time I did have a business card to hand out, I hated that card. It didn’t say anything about me. Even the title, thought up by my boss, was embarrassing to me. The interesting thing about that card was that it became completely useless as soon as I didn’t have the job anymore – there was no “me” in that card at all. It belonged to the business.
A “calling card” or personal card doesn’t put a business or a title first, which seems counter-intuitive to the way we live now. But according to the branding and social media gurus, we should meld our business with our play, our social media accounts with our work personna – every representation of ourselves should be another piece that contribute to a concise, branded whole. What you put forward first does matter – is it the company you work for or YOU?
Calling cards are perfect for introducing yourself in a more personal way. {You can read about the history of the calling card here.]
If you’re like me (when employed) you don’t want to be in work mode all the time or worrying about your “personal brand.” Many times I’ve thought that my personal brand should just be “Messy.” I don’t want to feel that others are always evaluating what I do in my private life in terms of my “brand,” and I try not to do this to other people. What I mean is, sometimes you just want to hand people a card that has your name and contact info on it and a little hint of what you’re about.
Also, if someone hands you a business card, you can’t help but make a judgement about them based on their job. We’re only human! You now know what they do for money and, yes, it’s probably a big part of who they are but let’s hope it’s not the entire picture. On the other hand, if someone hands me a calling card or personal card, there seems to be more to discover and find out. A calling card says, “Hello, this is me. Want to know more?” while a business card, depending on your profession, can instantly put you into a box people aren’t that excited to open.
Maybe the solution is to have two cards one can hand out according to one’s discretion. What do I want this person to know about me? How do I want to be perceived by them?
Anyway, this is a long way of explaining that I finally made my own calling card to hand out to people I find interesting and want to get to know. Here it is, literally larger-than-life, in digital form:
I’m not a graphic designer by any means but I knew that I wanted it to have a drawing on it to give it that old-timey feel and I wanted it to have minimal text – just options for ways to get in touch with me and/or find out more about me (this blog and my Twitter account.)
If you’re interested, here is what I did to make it:
- First, I used an antique playing card with a drawing of a bear on it as inspiration and drew a bear of my own, using that one as a model but adding the heart and loops. I did this in pencil and then I went over it in ink. This was important to me in order for the drawing to have a sketchy look.
- Next, I scanned the drawing and brought it into Illustrator to make it into a vector using the live trace feature.
- I used live paint to make the heart red. I could have added more color but I didn’t want to take away from the simplicity of the drawing. Keep it simple.
- I re-sized the bear to fit onto a standard card and then set up my card in InDesign, putting several copies of it “up” on a page.
- I had them printed at a print shop because I didn’t want to mess around with home printing and cutting, which would have made them look a bit too homemade. Even when using a paper cutter, I manage to cut things crooked. I had them printed on extra thick card stock – thicker than the usual business card stock – and went with a matte finish instead of shiny.
It was my hope to have them printed on a letterpress but it’s not in the cards (ha ha ha – see how I did that) right now due to the expense. I did spend a lot of time looking at the sites for Studio On Fire and Lunalux, two shops in Minneapolis, and am amazed at how awesome their work is. In fact, check out these calling cards from the Lunalux site – they are simple and chic and show that fancy graphics or drawings are not at all necessary.
I definitely aspire to letterpress cards on a heavy linen-like stock. But a gal’s gotta start where she can… and dream.
Maybe by the time I hand out all 500 of these cards, I’ll be in a position to upgrade!
Now Can You Hand Jive, Baby?
August 29, 2011
I learned over the weekend that Annette Charles, the actress who played Cha Cha DiGregorio in Grease, died from cancer.
From Access Hollywood (I know, I know):
Annette, who famously danced with John Travolta in the classic movie musical and told the movie’s Pink Ladies, “They call me Cha Cha because I’m the best dancer at St. Bernadette’s,” was also a speech professor at California State University Northridge, in Northridge, Calif., following her career on the big screen.
Annette quit acting sometime in the 80s and went on to graduate from the NYU School of Social Work in 2001, then became a professor.
I can’t tell you what an impact Cha Cha had on me as a child seeing Grease in the theater. I know it sounds strange, but I found Cha Cha to be exhilarating and even a bit scary. She was rough, sure of herself and sexy. I love the scene at the school dance competition when she steals the show dancing the “hand jive” with Danny. It seemed delicious and wicked, something no “nice girl” would ever do.
When my sister and I played Grease at home, I was always Danny and she got to be Sandy. This was because I had dark hair and she had blond hair. But the truth of the matter was that, while I was also awed by her in the final scenes of the movie, I would have made a crap Sandy. I was not soft and pleasant. I was not a “girly girl” and I really had no interest in that.
I probably identified more with Cha Cha, the bad girl I was always just a bit too shy and unsure of myself to become.
As a movie-goers, I felt like I was supposed to be against Cha Cha – the temptress, the villain. But I’ve always loved a villain, even at age five. And Cha Cha did not disappoint. I had never seen dancing like that – she takes a fake slap across the face! She picks up her dress and exposes her (full-coverage) underwear! She writhes across the floor and between Danny’s legs and then snatches the trophy at the end. It was all too much.
Oh, that moment when Danny, caught up in the moment, starts dancing with Cha Cha without giving Sandy another thought! Haven’t we all been there, ladies? A sliver of the bad girl in me never felt bad for Sandy as she ran from the gym.
This movie electrified me. My sister and I listened to the album over and over again after first seeing i, essentially wearing it out. I’ve seen the movie more times than I can count, can say many of the lines, know all the songs and yet I never tire of watching Cha Cha’s big dance number. I also remember hoping, please God, that Grease would be exactly what high school was like. Please let me wear a big, poofy dress and flip over someone’s back at the school dance!
It didn’t turn out that way but it doesn’t matter. I still have Grease.
Rest in peace, Annette, and thank you for a memorable movie.
First Ladies Cook! A Two-Fer-Tuesday of Taylor & Fillmore
August 23, 2011OK, I’ll admit it. I’m beginning to feel beaten down by The First Ladies Cook Book, brought to you by Fritos. It seems like I’ve been at this series for a long time and I’ve only just now reached 1849! I longingly page ahead to Mary Todd Lincoln, when I think it will all become so much more inspiring, but many ladies still stand in my way.
So imagine my frustration when I read about First Lady Margaret Taylor only to discover that she was First Lady for 16 months before her husband, Zachary Taylor, died.
Which brings me to today’s History Soapbox. We think we have it rough today but, in terms of medical care and our health, we are on easy street. If there is one theme that has run through most of my First Lady posts so far, it’s early death. Not always the death of the First Lady but the President, their kids, everyone around them. Pneumonia, the flu, heart attacks, tuberculosis, typhoid, child birth, war… Death waits behind every corner.
And today we sit on our couches watching TV wondering if perhaps we are candidates for the latest heartburn drug or that one for Restless Legs Syndrome.
End soapbox.
In honor of Tuesday, which in the world of pawn shops, taco stands and classic rock stations has long been known as “Two-Fer-Tuesday,” I’m tackling not only Margaret but her successor Abigail Fillmore.
First, Mrs. Taylor:
Actually, the first factoid about the Taylors concerns Zachary. His nickname was “Old Rough & Ready.” Isn’t that charming?
He earned this nickname because he was a career militarist known for his work in the War of 1812, the Black Hawk War, the Second Seminole War and Polk’s infamous Mexican-American Land Grab. I mean, war.
Yet another President from the South, he was the last to own slaves while in office.
Margaret “Peggy” Smith married Zachary when she was 21. She was a devout Episcopalian and prayed often and hard for her husband to return safely from all those wars. Rumor had it that she even promised God she would give up “the pleasures of society” if He would return Zachary unharmed. Well, she got her wish and then had to become something of a recluse.
She might be the only one who has ever made such a promise like this to God and then felt she needed to keep it. I know I never did after I got those “A’s” on tests in high school.
While Zach was campaigning for President, Peggy put the power of prayer to work once again, this time praying that he would not be elected. God failed to listen this time and Zachary won. Peggy was a tired woman – all those years of schlepping from fort to fort and having kids wore her out. She installed herself on the second floor of the White House and left the hostessing duties to her daughter, Betty.
The First Ladies Cook Book glosses over all of this, of course, discussing instead the Marine bands that played concerts on the grounds as if it’s something to be excited about.
Then something weird happened. Following a Fourth of July celebration during which the President attended the groundbreaking ceremony for the Washington Monument, he ate a bowl of cherries and drank a pitcher of milk. This spelled the end for Zachary. He died on July 9th of what was probably gastroenteritis, or the stomach flu, because the food was probably contaminated with something icky. Washington DC had open sewers at that time and no shortage of flies. Life turned out not to be just a bowl of cherries for Zachary.
Could not resist.
He was exhumed in the 1990s because a professor got it into her head that he had to have been murdered by poison but tests revealed nothing of the sort, he was put back in the ground and there went the professors book deal.
After her husband’s death Peggy went back home to Louisiana or maybe Mississippi for two years before she died, presumably from being tired.
So what does a semi-invalid who never leaves the second floor of the White House get for her recipes? I wish I could say Cherries With Iced Milk but no, it’s Crab Meat on Shells (Devilled Hard Crabs) and Daube Glace. Daube Glace is a ridiculous dish, pretty much a meat Jell-O, which requires 5 to 6 pounds of round beef plus a quarter-pound of salt pork plus 2 veal knuckle bones, well cleaned.
I do love me some veal knuckle bones. In fact, here’s my shopping list for this week:
shampoo
cheddar cheese
milk
Special K cereal
veal knuckle bones – 4
TP
Let’s see what Abigail Fillmore has to offer us instead.
President Millard Fillmore, who moved into the Big Chair when Taylor died, was a bit of a bore. He was also a butthole who supported slavery in the new U.S. states. He said, “God knows that I detest slavery, but it is an existing evil … and we must endure it and give it such protection as is guaranteed by the Constitution.” Huh, interesting interpretation of the Constitution.
He was the last of the Whigs and later, after his presidency, joined the American Party, part of the Know-Nothing movement, which was anti-immigrant (see, there are no new problems) and anti-Catholic. Throughout the Civil War, he opposed President Lincoln and the North.
His wife, Abigail, was originally his teacher. From Wikipedia:
“In 1819, she took a teaching post at the new academy in New Hope, where her oldest pupil was 19-year-old Millard Fillmore. The world of knowledge and Fillmore’s steady progress in it drew them together, and gradually the relationship of teacher and student evolved into romantic attachment.”
The couple eventually settled in Buffalo, New York and had two children. Once installed as First Lady, she claimed to have a “delicate constitution” (how come that never works as an excuse anymore?) and had her daughter handle all social duties while she puttered around selecting books for the White House library and arranging them on shelves. Presumably she did this while whispering to herself and occasionally breaking into “Mary Had a Little Lamb.”
In 1853, at the inaugural ceremony for President Pierce, she caught a cold, then developed a fever and died 26 days later. See what I mean about all the death? It was the shortest post-Presidential life of any former First Lady.
Abigail’s recipes are for Roast Saddle of Lamb, Gravy and Whole Stuffed Tomatoes.
What the hell is a “saddle” of lamb? The part of the back where one would place a saddle if one felt inclined to take a ride upon a lamb? The first instruction in the recipe is to “wash the meat and wipe it dry.” No thanks.
So what we end up with, after all this, is a rather dreary recipe for Whole Stuffed Tomatoes. You can make this recipe, hang up a photo of Millard Fillmore and take aim.
Whole Stuffed Tomatoes
6 firm, ripe tomatoes
1 1/2 cups soft bread crumbs
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
2 tablespoons butter or drippings from your George Foreman Grill
butter in dabs
Select tomatoes of equal size. Cut a piece from the stem end of each, and remove the centers, being careful not to break the walls. For the stuffing, use the diced centers of the tomatoes, crumbs, seasonings and the butter or drippings. Mix well. Sprinkle each tomato with salt and pepper and fill quite solidly with the stuffing.
Place the tomatoes into a baking dish with a dab of butter on each (you can never have too much butter.) Bake in oven at 350-375 degrees until tender, about 30 minutes. Serve hot.
The Ghosts Of Minnesotan Preps Past
August 22, 2011
While paging through my copy of The Official Preppy Handbook, edited by Lisa Birnbach, as I’m wont to do from time to time, I came across the section titled “Where The Preps Are: A City By City Going Out Guide,” which is exactly what it says it is – a listing of cities and then a preppy establishment one could visit each day of the week.
I quickly flipped to the listings for Minneapolis/St. Paul. It was, as one might expect, a rather sad offering. We haven’t had any truly big prep action here since F. Scott Fitgerald left, but it inspired me to see if it might be possible to still visit the places listed (the list was compiled in 1980.)
Now, Ms. Birnback did come out with an updated preppy guide just last year, the great True Prep. Alas, Minnesota has not a mention in the book – no listings for vintage clothing stores, city clubs or even places to practice one’s shooting or go fishing! It’s a sad state of affairs and I can’t really blame her for the omissions.
In any case, here is a look at the prep hang-outs of the past in Mpls/St. Paul.
1. W.A. Frost & Company, 374 Selby Avenue, St. Paul
Description from book: St. Paul’s bid for acceptance. Proto-Prep. Pickups.
I was just there! The gorgeous patio was entirely full on a Thursday evening – both for dinner and on the bar side. We ended up sitting down in a nook in the basement and fetching our own drinks up at the bar when we wanted them, which was fine for us but not great for people watching. However, in true prep spirit, I ordered a Tom Collins and can highly recommend it. Overall, this establishment is alive and well and still a place for those striving for acceptance. I even saw a guy wearing yellow jeans, rolled up, with Sperry Top Siders standing across the street!
2. Haberdashery, 45 South 7th Street, Minneapolis
Description: Formerly the home (for more than half a century) of a very Prep clothing store, Hubert W. White, original brass and wood fittings still here. Bar.
Alas, the Haberdashery is no more. It is now the site of a Radisson, possibly the same Radissson where Marge meets her high school “friend” Mike Yanagita in the movie Fargo. This is sad to me because the Haberdashery sounds like a very cool place. I like the idea of clothing stores that also have a bar. Why not make getting a suit or dress an occasion?
When you say “Haberdashery” in the Twin Cities, most of us now think of another great store, Heimie’s Haberdashery in St. Paul, located at 400 St. Peter Street. This is definitely worth a visit if you’re a guy in the market for upscale, well-made clothing or an old-fashioned shave.
FYI, clothes with labels from Hubert W. White show up at Twin Cities estate sales and sometimes thrift stores quite often.
3. University Club, 420 Summit Avenue, St. Paul
Description: Traditional men’s club, fallen onto hard times, now (discreetly) open to the public, for dinner, lunch and room accommodations.
While not big on website design, the Club is indeed still going. Now, of course, it’s open to the ladies. In fact, it’s open to entire families. It is not, however, open to the public for dinner and lunch but anyone, presumably, can rent rooms there for events, like weddings, birthday parties, meetings of your secret society. Members can have dinner there in three different rooms – the Ramsey, the Club or the Fireside. I wish that last one was called Ironsides.
4. The Commodore, 79 Western Avenue, St. Paul
Description: Restored hotel, bar mecca of 1920′s Prep revival. F. Scott Fitzgerald himself used to frequent the place. Need we say more?
The Commodore is part of the University Club’s holdings. It’s not open to the public; one cannot wander in and rent a room. It is available for events. From the website: “All four banquet rooms flow into each other and provide a lovely setting for luncheons, dinners and receptions of all kinds for up to 350 people.” The original Art Deco Bar has been preserved and is fabulous (it was untouched in the great explosion and fire at the Commodore in 1978!) For awhile, it was open on the first Monday of the month for some sort of craft bazaar and cocktail hour that I always meant to go to simply to be able to see the room, but that has now ended.
Here is a pic from the website:
4. Windfield Potters, 210 S. E. 2nd Avenue, Minneapolis
Description: Cashing in on 1980′s Prep revival, this is the place to go for drinks at the end of the work week. Help is required to wear Weejuns, khakis and Lacostes.
This restaurant had quite a following back in the day – it currently has a Facebook group called Winfield Potters Friends for those who used to gather there. Alas, this place no longer exists. It’s now the site of an office building. However, they did preserve the large patio/courtyard that used to be a big summer hangout and you can go see it. There is a plaque there commemorating the site. Also, Windfield Potters was used for the interior shots for the bar in Beautiful Girls – you know that scene where they all end up singing “Sweet Caroline?” That interior is the restaurant (the exterior shot they show is actually a different location in Stillwater). So I guess if you want to get some idea of what it was like inside, you have to watch the movie.
Coincidentally, the co-0wner of the restaurant, David Potter Webb, just died. He owned several restaurants throughout the city through the years and seems like he was a cool guy. His obituary is here, in the Star Tribune.
5. Calhoun Beach Club, 2730 W. Lake Street, Minneapolis
Description: Upwardly mobile lawyers, etc., play tennis, squash and swim. Built in 1920s, formerly a Grand Hotel. Since no golf, members mostly 25-40.
This place has been around for a long time. It’s now on the National Register of Historic Places and has served as everything from a social club, hotel, home to WTCN TV and radio stations, a home for the elderly to a sports club. Now it’s the site of a fitness club and luxury apartment homes. I love it when they call them “apartment homes,” as if just apartment implies something much less than one’s home. To go to the fitness club/spa/pool/what-have-you, one needs to be a member.
Of course you can have your wedding here (where can’t one have a wedding these days?) and you may opt for the Hidden Terrace if you’re having a smallish affair. Click here for a 360 degree view of said terrace.
However, you can get some of the ambiance of the place by eating at the street-level restaurant, which just became the Urban Eatery after being View after being Dixie’s Calhoun for a long time. I don’t think many preps hang here, per say, put if you squint your eyes I’m sure your fellow dinners will look like they are wearing Fair Isle cardigans with pearls or Lacoste shirts.
6. Woodhill Country Club, 200 Woodhill Road, Wayzata
Description: Private. Old-line. Highest proportion of real Preppies in area. Suburban.
Of course Woodhill is still there. Don’t be silly. It will be there long after America is no longer America. And the description still holds true – if you want true Preppiness in the TC, you really have to go out to Wayzata.
First Ladies Cook! Sarah Polk
August 18, 2011So much of the conviviality and, shall we say, social gaiety, at the White House rest on the shoulders of the First Lady. Not that she’s actually making the punch and shining up the floors, but she sets the tone. Are there going to be dances and lots of dinners or quiet teas and boring dinners? Easter egg hunts or karaoke parties?
Unfortunately, the years of the James Polk presidency spelled the end of fun and laughter. In short, Sarah Childress Polk was a party pooper.
Raised and educated in the South, Sarah “frowned upon” drinking, dancing, card playing and other “vanities.” She reduced entertaining at the White House to two state dinners or public receptions per week (no booze allowed), which were rumored to be quite boring and staid.
According to The First Ladies Cook Book, brought to you by Fritos, this was thought to be a good move by the public, who were reveling in the time period’s moralistic, Victorian ways. In other words, it was fashionable to not have a good time.
Sarah did have some good points – she was highly educated for a woman of her time, having attended Moravian Female Academy and then Salem College. She also acted as her husband’s private secretary, helped to write his speeches and “worked at his side,” possibly giving him the go-ahead to give Mexico the pounding it deserved in the Mexican-American War which secured most of our present Southwest.
What’s more, President Polk and other guys openly admitted that they loved to talk politics with her. She read a lot and keep up on current events. She was not the arm candy that Julia Tyler was in the last eight months of President Tyler’s administration.
She seems like someone you’d like to have in your current affairs discussion and knitting circle but maybe not invite to your bachelorette party. It’s hard to know what to do with someone who won’t dance, play card games, go to horse races or to the theater.
On top of this, she was only 41 when her hubby became president. One would expect some pizzazz. Imagine if Michelle Obama banned dancing and alcohol at the White House, or refused to see a play. The times were definitely different. Oh, if only Sarah Polk had taken up the cause of healthy eating and appeared on magazine covers like Better Homes & Gardens and appeared wearing cute cardigans from J. Crew!
In terms of hostessing, something she seemed to not care about at all, her biggest move was to hold the first Thanksgiving dinner at the White House. The newspaper reported, “This new idea of a Thanksgiving in Washington was well-observed and gave such general satisfaction as to lead to the deduction that it will be an annual custom hereafter.”
Please pass the sweet potatoes (with tiny marshmallows on top)!
Her husband had promised the American people when he ran for office that he would only serve one term (that, like, never happens today) and he kept that promise, retiring to Tennessee in 1849. Then, three months after leaving office, he died of cholera. Sarah lived on for many years, supported the Confederacy in the Civil War and died at age 87.
The First Ladies Cook Book, brought to you by Fritos, offers up two recipes for Sarah Polk – hickory nut cake, because Southern people love them some hickory nuts, and Tennessee ham. ‘The recipe for ham is just, you know, make a ham by sticking some cloves in it, baste it with molasses, sugar and fruit preserves. I don’t really know too many people who up and make a ham these days so I’m going to include the recipe for the cake.
Hickory Nut Cake
1 cup butter
2 cups sugar
4 eggs, separated
1 teaspoon lemon juice
3 cups flour, sifted with 2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup milk
1 cup chopped hickory nuts (you may substitute pecans if you’re from Georgia or if you can’t find them in the store, which you may not be able to. Mother Earth News has this to say on the subject: “Hickory nut meats are rarely found on grocery shelves, simply because the kernels are so difficult to extract in large pieces. But you can forage a bushel of the odd-shaped nuts in one afternoon . . . and then (believe it or not!) shell them yourself to reap mostly large, beautiful nutmeat “halves”. Interested in shelling a bushel of hickory nuts? Well.. we all need to have hobbies so you can read about the technique here.)
1 teaspoon almond flavoring
Grease an 81/4-inch tube cake pan or turk’s head mold well and flour it.
OK, what is a “turk’s head mold?” It’s kind of a super fancy bundt cake pan. If it didn’t have the tube in the middle it would be fun to wear as a hat when drunk.
Cream butter with 1 cup of the sugar. Beat egg yolks until light, beating in the remaining cup of sugar until light and lemon-colored. Then fold in lemon juice and combine with the creamed mixture. Next sift in dry ingredients alternately with the milk. Stir in nuts and flavoring. Beat egg whites until light but not dry.
Don’t you hate it when you can’t stop yourself from beating the egg whites until they’re dry?
Fold in lightly. Pour into cake pan, bake in moderate oven (350 degrees) for about 1 hour.
This cake can be served unfrosted with spiced peaches or brandied peaches. A caramel icing made with caramelized white sugar is recommended, sprinkled with nuts.
Want to review all the First Lady action? Check out the list here.
Super Dictionary & Wonder Woman’s Bad Day
August 17, 2011“We all want our children to be excited by learning and gaining an early command of our language.”
- Dr. Mario Fantini, Dean and Professor, School of Education, University of Massachusetts, Educational Consultant to The Super Dictionary
That’s why you don’t want your kid to get their hands on a copy of The Super Dictionary. Here, let me show instead of tell. Today we’re studying words that begin with:
Oh, OK, now it’s all so clear.
Suddenly Lois Lane shows up and sees a monkey in her backyard. Frankly, the insertion of a monkey into the situation makes it almost impossible to concentrate on the true vocab word here, which is backyard. Why a monkey? How about a squirrel or a rabbit or a bird? Does Lois Lane live in India, perhaps?
Tomahawk sees a badger, which is described as a “furry animal with short legs.” Hmmm… how short is short? Is that a badger or a dachshund? Could this be what Tomahawk saw?
Or was it an Asiatic stink badger? I get the two confused all the time.
And then Super Girl is about to commit suicide from a platform up in the air with a railing around it. Oh, my.
But the letter B is most unkind to Wonder Woman, who doesn’t have a good time of it at all, possibly due to the fact that she’s off her meds and wandering around New York City on Thanksgiving. Her day goes something like this: First, she’s at the Macy’s Day Parade, where she’s volunteered to be one of the handlers for their new pterosaur balloon (which secured a spot right behind the float carrying Selena Gomez and the old muppets from Fraggle Rock):
All hell breaks loose because the balloon gets free, sails away towards New Jersey and Wonder Woman can’t stop it. This is upsetting to her. She wanders around Midtown for the morning, going up to people and saying things like:
Then she offers up a $5 blow job.
No, that’s really horrible. I take it back. She asks for $20, will settle for $15.
BTW, “I once blew rain away from a parade,” is really a great icebreaker at a party. Try it some time.
Later, in Central Park, Wonder Woman has an upset stomach and decides to duck into the bushes. But be careful, WW!!
I just really don’t like the looks of this. I never like weird dudes dressed up as princes who lurk near bushes. Nope.
As if that weren’t bad enough, she ends up like this:
Classic Wonder Woman!
We round out our exploration of words beginning with the letter “B” with some life lessons. First, there’s the Joker’s take on our financial institutions… he’ll now be buying gold and storing it in his Top Secret Underground Villain Vault, what with the U.S. debt rating downgrade, possible sovereign defaults in the eurozone and the possibility of more money printing from the Federal Reserve via a third round of quantitative easing.
Actually, it sounds like a serious customer service issue. Nice of them to supply the green bags with enormous “$” signs for the funds he withdrew though.
You may have seen the documentary about Tomahawk and his bear friends a few years ago. It, uh, taught us all something about the nature of bear/man friendship.
And, finally, a lesson about getting wasted at the office party:
You don’t want to be the gal who drinks three Merry-tinis at the party (after skipping lunch) and then tries to demonstrate to everyone just what was so funny about The Unknown Comic.
Enough said.
How To Have A Trashy Book Club
August 16, 2011A primer for anyone who wants to start a club that reads books with little literary value but lots of smut, rock-n-roll, mental breakdowns, drugs and narcissism.
One of my favorite quotations is from Gertrude Stein:
“You should only read what is truly good or what is frankly bad.”
What is truly good is a very subjective thing. As it turns out, what is frankly bad is much easier to agree upon. Several years ago, I started a Trashy Book Club with some friends of mine. The mission was to read bad books and watch the accompanying movie when available.
We’ve had our ups and downs over the years but eight of us are still hangin’ tough. I’m getting ready to host book club this Saturday for the book I’m With the Band by Pamela Des Barres (movie will be Almost Famous, game will be “Name That 70s Rock Tune”) and the process of getting ready has me thinking about how much I’ve come to love this group.
So, if you’ve had enough of The Kite Runner, Bel Canto, The Help, Middlemarch, Water For Elephants, Three Cups of Tea (bet you feel burned by that one!), Eat, Pray, Love and My Sister’s Keeper, maybe it’s time for you, too, to embrace The Trash.
Here are some Trashy Book Club Pointers, which were devised with the help of my fellow members, to get you started.
1. Form your Trash Club with friends, people you’ve had some face time with or people who come recommended by friends. And once your group is going, choose new members carefully.
This sounds harsh, but it’s important that everyone have a sense of humor and understands that the group will not be reading Life of Pi. You might think that just about anyone could get into a trashy book club but you’d be wrong. Case in point: we had one early group member who never quite grasped the concept of the trashy book club and was confused and shocked when we did a live reading of our favorite scene from The Howling for a Halloween meeting. She never attended again.
Another thing to know: most trashy books have some sex (we hope) but they also have incest, bestiality and, for some reason, a whole lot of rape. Once we counted up and realized that most of our books contained a rape scene, a reference to rape or hinted at rape and this was not something we were seeking out by any means. So, as Flavor Flav says, considered yourselves warned.
2. Resolve to keep it trashy. As our group member April said, “Beware attempts to class it up, even ‘just this once.’ We know our fellow members are smart, and that they can and do read ‘real books.’ That’s kind of the point.” Yes, our group has slipped on more than one occasion, which is fine. The last thing you want is a pedantic trashy book club. But one lit slip must be quickly remedied with several trashy books. If Sylvia Plath slips in (or, shudder, Agatha Christie), make sure you read something like one of several (hundred?) in Susan Mallery’s Sheik romance series. Try out The Sheik and the Bought Bride, for instance.
3. Watch the movie. It’s fun to trash the trashy book and then get mad that they didn’t follow the book when they made the trashy movie version! If the trashy book in question has no movie version then pick a random trashy movie that may or may not have anything to do with the book. Two of our best movies, in my opinion, The Baby (1973) and Beyond the Valley of the Dolls (1970) were not really connected to anything we read.
4. Always serve alcohol (and food) (and order pizza). Our meetings are not Get Trashed at Trashy Book Club sessions (except for this past July when we had access to a pool and a lot of booze) but a glass of wine helps get someone in the mood to discuss the sex-when-she-had-her-period/tampon scene in Endless Love. As my group member Kate says, “Check your self-consciousness at the door!”
5. Book quizzes with prizes are fun. Don’t underestimate how much people like to win stuff.
6. Celebrate your group milestones. Our group met for the first time in December of 2006. Our first book was Flowers In the Attic, one of the best trashy books of all time. Since then we celebrate every December with a larger feast than usual, a look back at the year that was, a group photo and we draw months to see when each of us will host (we are trashy but also organized and busy) during the coming year. Being the book nerd that I am (yes, I also love to organize closets), I try to circulate a list of Trashy Book Suggestions that I’ve compiled but the host of the month chooses the book and movie and the rest of us vow not to complain (sometimes).
7. Don’t overlook memoirs! Some of our best reads have been trashy memoirs and bios. Many “rock stars” like to write tell-alls.
8. Theme food helps bring on the party atmosphere. You’ll score points for making that Valley of the Dolls pill-shaped cake or for bringing a baggie of powdered sugar for Less Than Zero.
Now, what books might you choose to get your trashy book club going? It depends a lot on your idea of trash and what you have a predilection for. Luckily, there are no shortages of bad books in all kinds of categories. But here are some of our picks that I’ve enjoyed and that could serve as a primer for a trashy book club:
Flowers in the Attic by V.C. Andrews
Valley of the Dolls by Jacqueline Susann
Mommy Dearest by Christine Crawford
Wifey by Judy Blume
The Howling by Gary Brandler
Tom Cruise: The Unauthorized Biography by Andrew Morton
Sex and the Single Girl by Helen Gurley Brown
Hollywood Wives by Jackie Collins
I’m With the Band by Pamela Des Barres
And here is some trash we haven’t read that I’m hoping to get to:
Goodbye, Janette – Harold Robbins
The Love Machine – Jacqueline Susann
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus – John Gray (explore the area of self-help trash!)
Some Girls: My Life In a Harem – Jillian Lauren
One Lifetime Is Not Enough – Zsa Zsa Gabor
Fall To Pieces – Mary Weiland
Tommyland – Tommy Lee
Anything by Tori Spelling
I Just Want You To Know: Letters To My Kids – Kate Gosselin
Hammer of The Gods – Stephen Davis
Hollywood Babylon I, II, III – Kenneth Anger (OK, I’m cheating because I’ve read them but they are, by far, some of the best, trashiest books out there. It’s like reading a hard bound version of a lengthy US Magazine written in 1975).
So don’t get classy, get trashy!
Wasting Time
August 15, 2011It’s Monday and, while I try not to make this blog all about me and my personal life, I feel like crap today.
I made this amazing batch of French-style vanilla ice cream yesterday and ate some with a cookie and immediately felt WEIRD. Totally wired and kind of nauseous. The ice cream did not have a similar effect on Keith. Now the ice cream is lurking in my freezer and I’m scared to eat it lest I burst into flames or shake uncontrollably. This morning I woke up convinced that I had developed diabetes.
I never said I was a rational person.
Because a rational person would probably not embark on a 3-hour hike at Afton State Park in the hot sun after eating suspect ice cream and come home completely exhausted, watch two episodes of Louie and pass out.
Anyway, yesterday when we were driving through Hastings I saw Omar Avenue and got excited. Omar Little! My favorite character from The Wire.
A well-timed “Omar comin’!” still makes me laugh.
So the excitement ramped up when I saw that the next street was Odell Avenue (named after, I’m sure, Odell Watkins, a minor character from The Wire but memorable).
Because I am trying to find any excuse to do nothing today, I checked Google Maps to see what other streets around that area are called. It revealed that this was not a subdivision named after all the characters from the show – it is only those two streets. There was no McNulty Court or Rawls Road. Bummer.
But then I started looking throughout Minnesota to see how we pay tribute to one of the best shows on TV, ever. And here are my results:
Moreland Circle in West St. Paul is named after Det. William “Bunk” Moreland, played by Wendell Pierce.
Daniels Street in Long Lake commemorates Lt. Cedric Daniels, played by Lance Reddick
Perlman Street in St. Paul, right off of West 7th Street, is for the lovely, ginger-haired Assistant State’s Attorney Rhonda Perlman, played by Deirdre Lovejoy.
We’ve dedicated the entire city of Carver to Sgt. Ellis Carver, played by Seth Gilliam.
The character of Det. Lester Freamon means so much to us that he has two streets: Lester Street in Duluth and Lester Avenue in Hastings (way to go, Hastings, that’s your THIRD street named after a Wire character – keep it going!)
We love our villains, too. We have Avon Avenue in Avon, Minnesota to commemorate Avon Barksdale, played by Wood Harris. And to honor Russell “Stringer” Bell we have no less than three Bell Streets, located in Eden Valley, St. Bonifacius and Belgrade.
The great Clay Davis is commemorated with Davis Street in Mankato.
Finally, my very favorite, to honor the homeless junkie, Bubbles, played by Andre Royo, we have Bubbles Lake in the Superior National Forest near Stony River, MN. I like to think that Bubbles, after a stay at one of Minnesota’s many rehab centers, might camp on the shore of this very lake, thinking things over and finding himself at a new beginning.
I searched in vain for anything named after McNulty in our state. The same goes for Rawls, Gregg and Hauk.
The Super Dictionary To the Rescue: The Letter “A”
August 11, 2011For your reading pleasure (and to pump up your vocab!) highlights from The Super Dictionary.
We begin with the letter
Our first word is ACT.
Batman: Great job, killing apprentice. Now let’s go get some culture! I didn’t stand in the TKTS line all morning for nothing. Imma see me all three acts!
Robin: I sure am brave. I was brave last week too, when you told me that it was OK to touch it and that it would just be between us.
Our next word is ADVENTURE.
Yeah, this “exciting thing” is being chased by three badass skeletons. Say what? I’m not sure this is so much an ADVENTURE as it is a NIGHTMARE. You have your definition, Super Dictionary, and I’ll have mine.
Our next word is ANYTHING.
My commentary isn’t really needed here, is it? I think the second sentence sums up all the conjecture and analysis of the Batman/Robin relationship since the beginning of time. We have our answer!
Moving on, we have APARTMENT.
“Black Canary has a nice… apartment. She has a nice set of… of… rooms. Yeah, rooms.”
BTW, Black Canary would make a great slutty Halloween costume.
Our next word is ASLEEP.
This panel took place in 1993. This is what the sleeping babe said the next morning:
“Wow, what a cra-a-zy night. I went to, like, this rave and this dude gave me some X and we shared his pacifier for awhile and then I danced for, like, 9 hours and I went to his apartment and, I swear to God, there were, like, hawkmen and leprechauns standing over me, whispering and shit.”
And our final “A” word for the day is ATTACK.
Wow, super smooth, villain guy. “Do it as you attacked last time?” I know not why he talks in this manner.
I’m pretty sure they aren’t going to attack though, because she needs to sneeze and that would be totally unfair. She’s on a “time out.”
