Why don’t you celebrate Memorial Day by skydiving? Afterwards, you can come home and have a big party out on the patio with all your friends and neighbors!

Make the gang this 0h-so-1960s recipe for Beer Baked Bananas:

12 large firm yellow bananas
1 cup beer
1 can frozen orange juice concentrate (undiluted)
1/4 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1/2 cup chopped macadamia nuts
grated rind of one orange

Peel bananas and cut in half. Arrange in shallow pan. Mix beer, orange juice concentrate and brown sugar. Pour evenly over bananas. Sprinkle with nuts and orange rind. Bake at 400 degrees F for 15 minutes or until hot. Serve warm, with some of the juice spooned over each serving.

Serve with pints of beer. And shots of tequila! Eat while sitting in the hot tub listening to Glenn Frey at top volume.

Happy Memorial Day!

Categories: Why Don't You?
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While cleaning out some drawers today, I found the above pic. I think I cut it out of a magazine and saved it because it represented the best of bizarro pop culture – two strange worlds colliding to overlap for a moment of ultimate strangeness. It was taken during the time that Liza was married to David Gest and was having a bit of a revival, thanks to all the press attention and David’s maneuvering [quick Google of David reveals that most recently he "donated thousands of pounds worth of showbiz memorabilia to a Derbyshire (UK) charity he saw on television." It's worth hitting this link just to see a photo of David's face.]

It was also during the time when Britney Spears was hot stuff – before the K-Fed debacle, before breakdowns and shaved heads and rehab and giving power of attorney or control of her financial affairs to her father. It was also a time of flat stomachs. At least for Brit, not sure what’s going on underneath Liza’s sequined shift.

Isn’t it amazing how a time just ten years ago can seem so quaint and innocent? It makes me wonder about today but it also gives me a certain appreciation for today, in a way I can’t quite describe. I often think my days are boring and filled with nothingness because I’m not saving the world or conquering Twitter but they are actually quite rich in simple ways.

I’m touched that I bothered to cut that photo out because it was funny and that I found it today. I’m happy that I walked with Freja to the water tower and sat looking down on a house that I find very beautiful. I’m glad to be working on a collage that’s as strange as this photo – last night I became completely immersed in it, cutting and pasting as I listened to the WTF with Marc Maron podcast (I listened to Garry Shandling and then the one from April with Conan O’Brien, both of which are excellent). These things have meaning to me and often that’s what we need to do here – infuse our lives with meaning that is specific to us and let other things go.

Reading: Confessions of An Art Addict by Peggy Guggenheim, published in 1960

Watching: Far From Heaven (2002), which was a terrible film that received Oscar nominations for its director, Todd Haynes, and female lead, Julianne Moore. What am I missing here, people? I wanted to hit Julianne’s character across the face as well, just like her closeted husband did.

Doing: getting ready to run my first 5K. Baby steps! I’m going to run the Twin Cities Pride Rainbow Run before the Pride Parade on June 26th. I’ve never run a race before.

Also, the superstars at this past weekend’s Art-A-Whirl in Northeast Minneapolis (in my opinion, of course – and we didn’t get to the Northrup King Bldg this year) included painter Patricia Canney for her amazing paintings of dresses, Farida Hughes for her innovative oil paintings of crowds as seen from above – the best is titled Fair Days - and also Victor Yepez for his nearly life-size sculptures of horses constructed from metal – the head on one was a bike frame; on another bike chains served as the horse’s mane and tail… I love.

Anticipating: Trying out breakfast at the new Bread & Pickle at Lake Harriet tomorrow – a run around the lake topped off by a breakfast sandwich… is that bad? Then Memorial Day in Wisconsin. Hell yeah.

Categories: Wednesday Outlook
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When they arrived at the third First Lady, the authors of The First Ladies Cook Book (brought to you by Fritos) hit a stumbling block… Thomas Jefferson was not married when he was President from 1801 to 1809. His wife, Martha, had died 19 years earlier.

That’s right, nineteen years earlier. This is not to denigrate Jefferson’s possible love for his wife even after her death. But I doubt there was a special recipe box labelled “Martha’s Favorites” that he brought to the White House with him. Who provided the womanly touch? Well, unofficially that was Jefferson’s slave Sally Hemings (Martha’s half-sister!) but in a “Martha Stewart” capacity it was Dolley Madison, the wife of James Madison, who was Jefferson’s secretary of state (she’s up next, as First Lady #4).

Jefferson liked to live well. He spent time in France, which seems to guarantee a president will care at least a little bit about what he’s stuffing into his maw. The book says he also loved many “down home” fare like sweet potatoes, turnip greens, sweet corn, peas, Virginia ham and crab.

If Jefferson were alive today and appeared on the Willard Scott birthdays segment on the TODAY show, his entry would go like this:

“And Thomas Jefferson of Charlottesville, Virginia is 368 today. He attributes his long life to eating greens and drinking wine instead of liquor. He also loves the occasional pistachio nut, caper and anchovy.”

But what about the long-forgotten Martha? Well, she had a short but sucky life. She first married a guy named Bathurst but he died of sudden illness soon after they had a son. She moved back home to live with her father on his plantation and then her infant son died of a fever. She met Thomas Jefferson and they got married and moved to his plantation, Monticello. They had six kids, but only two daughters reached adulthood, and only the oldest daughter lived past the the age of 25.  Martha died after the birth of her sixth child; it is thought she may have had undiagnosed diabetes.

She liked to read, do needlework and play music. She is said to have had a temper but to have also been devoted to her husband. Jefferson pledged to his wife on her deathbed that he would never remarry. This is probably why taking up with a slave and having six kids with her seemed like a viable option.

One cool fact about Martha is that, when she moved to Monticello, she started the tradition of making 170 gallons of beer every year, which Jefferson kept doing until his death. However, The First Ladies Cook Book makes no mention of beer. Instead, it offers up Wyeth’s English Plum Pudding and Chartreuse (Vegetable Mold).

Chartreuse (Vegetable Mold)
At Monticello the vegetables, all roots, no cabbage, were cut into slices & arranged in a fanciful way, alternating carrtos with white vegetables, in a straightsided vessel. It turned out in a beautiful form and made a very pretty dish for a ceremonious dinner. The inside was fitted up with forced meat balls.

[Did you understand a word of that? Why was it important to call out cabbage? What is a straightsided vessel? How does one "fit up" the inside of a straightsided vessel with forced meat balls? And, shudder, what is a forced meat ball?]

1 can asparagus tips [let's just brush aside all this "fresh vegetable/Monticello" nonsense]
1 bunch tender young carrots
1 pint young Brussels sprouts
3 cups cooked strained spinach
1 cup cooked strained carrots
1 cup cooked strained peas
[Note: Hope you like straining things.]
2 eggs, whole
3 egg whites
1/3 cup sour cream
salt and butter
butter

Boil asparagus tips in salted water until tender. Boil peeled carrots in salted water until tender, and cut into thin round slices. Boil Brussels sprouts in salt water until tender, and cut in half. Drain and allow vegetables to cool.

Thoroughly butter in a 2-pound Pyrex  bread loaf oblong dish. Line it alternately with thin-sliced cold carrots, cold asparagus tips and cold Brussels sprouts.

Now fill the lined dish with a mixture of strained spinach, strained carrots, strained peas, mixed with 2 whole eggs plus the egg whites, 1/3 cup sour cream, salt and pepper. Cover with a piece of buttered paper. Stand in a pan with a little water in it and put in a 350 degree oven for one hour or until just firm to the touch. Remove and allow to stand 5 minutes before turning out onto a hot serving dish.

And then promptly turning out into the garbage.

Yuck.

Rating for “Martha’s” recipes: F

Categories: Cooking, First Ladies Cook, Icons
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Project #2: Preppy Zipper Pouch to hold small  purse essentials (lipstick, Band-Aids, safety pins, free drink tickets, aspirin, my calling cards…)

That’s my attempt at being all “Tennis, anyone?” Here’s a flat view:

Now I’d like to take a moment to point out that although my bag is preppy, it cost very little to make. I used fabric and some trim I’ve had for years. I got the applique of the rackets at ARC for 30 cents (came with an anchor for more preppy fun) and I happened to have a package of tiny pom pom balls in a variety of colors so I used a yellow one for my tennis ball. Let me just show you a close-up:

Sun was kinda bright in the yard, huh?

Also, I went to a church garage sale and found cloth napkins that had never been used for 25 cents and cut one up to be my checked preppy liner for the bag, as seen here:

Best of all, cats like this bag and come to see what it’s all about whenever I bring it out:

Have a Preppy Day!

Categories: 99 Projects, Preppy Fun
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I’m a list maker. I love nothing more than sitting down with a fresh legal pad and starting in on a list. I make lists for the grocery store, of yard work to be done, things to buy, movies to see, books to read… if any topic contains more than two items, a list is drawn up.

The thing about compulsive list-making is that you quickly abandon perfectly good lists for the thrill of new lists. There is something reassuring about starting a fresh list – today, I am going to get all this stuff finished – which means that old lists linger around and pile up. I have to clean off my desk every other week and dispose of all the old lists – on pieces of paper, on Post-Its, in notebooks, stopping to read them along the way. What happens is that I rediscover old list items and add them to new lists… I compare my list cycle to the water cycle or the life cycle. Lists are formed, grow up, have their time, break down, return to the ether as they decompose only to return again in renewed form.

It’s both maddening and comforting.

Here then, is a sampling of some lists. In order to save you from the mundane  of my “To Do” lists, I culled some from journal entries.

A Short List of Names For Dachshunds
Porgy
Bess
Clyde
Blue Bell
Kitty Hawk
The Baron
Biscuit
Weejuns
Cecil
Myrna
Jules

Madonna’s Gal Pals
Sandra Bernhard (since discarded)
Rosie O’Donnell (ongoing)
Gwyneth Paltrow (since discarded)
Sheryl Crow (status unknown)
Gina Gershon (since discarded)
Ingrid Casares (status unknown)

Phrases & Words Need To Use More Often
Cipher
“Tennis, anyone?”
“Let me give you my card.” – present old-timey calling card
Nightcap, as in “Would you like to come up for a nightcap?”; used generously on Love Boat
Kerchief

Summer 2011 Reading List
“The Classics”
1. Age of Innocence – Edith Wharton
2. The Great Gatsby – F. Scott Fitzgerald
3. The Woman in White – Wilkie Collins
4. Out of Africa – Isak Dinesen, a pen name used by the Danish author Baroness Karen von Blixen-Finecke
5. Sons & Lovers – D.H. Lawrence
6. Leaves of Grass – Walt Whitman
7. Walden – Thoreau
8. The Old Testament – a lot of guys a long time ago

“The Contemporary Fare”
1. Bossypants – Tina Fey
2. Desperate Characters – Paula Fox
3. Barney’s Version – Mordecai Richler
4. Reading My Father – Alexandra Styron
5. A Visit From the Good Squad – Jennifer Egan
6. Just Kids – Patti Smith
7. A People’s History Of The United States – Howard Zinn

Dancey Songs From the 1990s I’m Considering Buying From iTunes
My Boo – Ghost Town DJs
Freedom – George Michael
Boom Boom Boom – Out Here Brothers
100% Pure Love – Crystal Waters
Touch Me – Cathy Dennis [can you imagine anyone making it in music today with the name Cathy Dennis?]
Groove Is In The Heart – Deee Lite

And now the usual weekly round-up:

Reading: When I Stop Talking, You’ll Know I’m Dead by Jerry Weintraub [most useful nugget so far: life is too short to hang out with morons]

Watching: About to get to episode #2 of the documentary New York. Also anticipating watching The Philadelphia Story tonight!

Doing: ramping up the running and looking for a race to train for… need to run off some winter poundage

Anticipating: Art-A-Whirl this weekend in Northeast Minneapolis!! Love it!

Categories: Wednesday Outlook
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Many of the (potentially) greatest shows we could ever see/experience sadly do not really exist – they are fictional shows within movies. Often I’ll watch a movie that’s about putting on a play or a  musical (or features one) and I’ll wish I could watch it from beginning to end instead of the movie it exists within.

Are you following me?

The number 1 stage show I’d love to see is Satan’s Alley from the movie Stayin’ Alive. Would you not shell out big bucks to go see something called Satan’s Alley? In the film, John Travolta is back as dancer Tony Manero (Saturday Night Fever), now a struggling performer looking for his big break in Manhattan.  This break arrives in the form of the Broadway production Satan’s Alley. On opening night, Tony kisses the female lead even though it’s not in the script! She responds by scratching his face and drawing blood! Then there’s a lot of dancing – think flames, smoke, bare chests, groping… everything you want in a Broadway dance show – and the show is a triumph.

If Peter Travers from Rolling Stone reviewed the show he would say, “I loved every minute! It transformed my life and the way I think about Satan. And alleys.”

Other “shows within movies” worth seeing? I offer a  list:

1. “Street Jazz” from the movie Breakin’ - basically, all the moves from the movie put into a stage show with costumes.

2. The topless Vegas show “Goddess” from the movie Showgirls. I’d have a second bachelorette party if we could fly to Vegas and see Goddess starring Nomi and Molly. Bonus: Celine Dion comes out and sings “My Heart Will Go On” while Nomi has an orgy with Jack Dawson lookalikes from Titanic!

3. “Red, White & Blaine” from Waiting For Guffman. I’ve always wanted to see this from beginning to end as a proper stage show while sitting in a folding chair. I’ve seen the movie several times but believe there must be more scenes from the show that we miss.

4. In the mood for tragedy? What if you could see the entire “Midsummer’s Night Dream” production in Dead Poet’s Society, knowing that the kid is going to go home and off himself after the show? Or that epic production of “Swan Lake” in Black Swan that ends with death? Peter Travers would shit his pants twice and then write a review saying, “If you only see one ballet this year… well, you missed your chance.”

5. I’d pay major bucks to be able to catch a show on the Spinal Tap Smell The Glove tour.

6. For cheap entertainment, imagine being able to go to all the productions put on by fictional high schools. Swing by the Fame graduation to see the performance of “I Sing the Body Electric.” For culture, check out “Scenes From Shakespeare” performed by the kids in Porky’s II. Or how about Max’s play “Heaven and Hell” from the movie Rushmore?

7. For old-timey entertainment how about going to see the Broadway show “Springtime For Hitler” from The Producers? Or the cabaret act starring Sally Bowles from Cabaret? Maybe catch “Spectacular Spectacular” from Moulin Rouge? Or how about going to see what those Muppets are up to over on “The Muppet Show?”

The list could go on and on? What’s your top “show within a movie” that you’d love to be able to see?

Categories: Lists, That's Brilliant!
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Continuing on with my series from The First Ladies Cook Book, today we have First Lady #2, Abigail Adams. Brought to you by Fritos.

 
Abigail was a cool lady because she was smart. She and her husband, John The Prez, exchanged many letters that remain with us today in which they discuss government and politics, suggesting that they were friends and equals in their marriage. She’s known as one of the more intellectual First Ladies, at least until Hilary came along.

She and John were third cousins and knew each other since childhood. I guess that’s not too horrible… first cousins and I’d have to wonder. Because she was sickly as a child, her mother home schooled her, teaching her to “read, write and cipher.” Why don’t we use the word “cipher” anymore? So much more fun that “math.”

“Don’t bother me, I’m ciphering the checkbook.”

According to The First Ladies Cook Book, Abigail learned much of her refinement and social grace while living in Europe with John when he served as a diplomat in Paris and England. Later, as First Lady,  she furnished the presidential mansion herself after George and Martha took back all their furnishings when they left. Cheap bastards. When the U.S. capital moved to D.C. in 1800, Abigail referred to it as the “wilderness.”

As for entertaining, “great amounts of fish, meats and cakes were served, while wine was the usual beverage.”

Abigail’s recipes include Oyster Rolls and Beggar’s Pudding.

Now, when I first saw “Oyster Rolls” I got kind of excited, confusing it with “Lobster Roll.” Uh, no.

Oyster Rolls

6 French rolls
1 pint oysters (reserve the liquid)
dash of mace and nutmeg
3 or 4 peppercorns
2 tablespoons butter
parsley sprigs for garnish

Take 6 French rolls, scrape or grate the outside, then cut a piece out of the top and scoop out all the crumbs.

Drain the oysters, saving the liquor [oyster liquor?]. Wash oysters in water and salt. Add mace and nutmeg to strained oyster liquor, add a few peppercorns, and place in saucepan over low heat. Add oysters and the 2 tablespoons of butter. Stew them until the edges of the oysters curl. Pour them into the rolls and set them in a hot oven (375 to 400 degrees) till they are hot enough. Garnish with sprigs of parsley.

So what you end up with is some rolls with oyster glop baked on them.

Abigail, that’s a big fail in my book. Interestingly enough, the Beggar’s Stew also starts with taking 20 slices of stale bread and then proceeding to cover it with sugar, currants and other glop. Who knew cooking required so much bread back then?

Rating for Abigail’s recipes: D

Categories: Cooking, First Ladies Cook, Icons
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Is this not the most preppy, horsey fabric ever? Got a bunch of it for $1… going to make a skirt, I think.

Categories: Fashion!
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I scored this at an estate sale:

I know. I’m excited.

This means that I can now post an entry for each First Lady… through Nancy Reagan. The book was published in 1982 so that’s as far as it goes. Although maybe I can create something special for Barbara Bush, Hilary Clinton, Laura Bush and Michelle Obama…

First, let’s address the question of why Fritos Corn Chips felt this was their duty. It’s all about patriotism. This is your personal invitation to dine at the White House. Well, to eat what they may or may not have eaten at the White House. The back of the book says, “Food fit for the President’s table can be on your own table.”

I’m convinced. Let’s dive in with Martha Washington.

Martha was born to a rich family on a plantation in Virginia. Wikipedia says, “She may have had an illegitimate half-sister who was a slave: Ann Dandridge Costin was one-quarter African, one-quarter Cherokee Indian, and half-white. There is further evidence of an illegitimate half-brother Ralph Dandridge, who was probably white.”

She was first married to a guy 20 years older than her but he died, leaving her a pile of money. Then she married George. They didn’t have children together but raised Martha’s two kids from her first marriage until they died when they were young adults.

Apparently, it was a happy marriage without a lot of drama. George didn’t cheat. Our cookbook says, “Martha played the dutiful hostess, as her life was devoted to things which benefited ‘the General.’” That’s so weird. That’s what I call Keith!

It goes on to say, “A typical menu during Martha’s time would include soup, roasted and boiled fish, meats and fowl, pies, puddings, ice creams, jellies, fruit, melon and nuts.” It does not specify anything about the order, why fruit is separate from “melon,” what the hell one did with “jellies” and when the nuts would be served. I hope in a small bowl during cocktail hour but you never know with these colonials.

Martha has three recipes in the book: Beefsteak & Kidney Pie, Trifle and Rich Custard, which actually can go together because you need custard for the trifle. Or you could make up a batch of Rich Custard and eat it out of the bowl with a big spoon while watching Dancing With The Stars.

Now, to make the Pie one would need to go out and buy 4 small veal or baby beef kidneys. I’m a vegetarian so that’s never happening. I can’t imagine being like, “Hello, butcher, can I have an animal’s kidneys?” One would also need to go and buy a one-and-a-half pound rump. That’s a cow’s ass. One must also have on hand some suet or bacon drippings. Finally something to do with that coffee cup full of congealed drippings you keep on the counter!

Here’s the recipe for Martha’s Rich Custard

1 quart milk, scalded
1/2 Cup cold milk
1/2 Cup sugar
pinch of salt
6 eggs, whole
1/4 tsp. vanilla or almond extract

Scald 1 quart milk; add 1/2 cup sugar and a pinch of salt. Beat 6 whole eggs and add cold milk to them. Stir, and gradually add to the hot milk mixture. Cook in top of double boiler  until custard coats the spoon. When cold, add the flavoring.

Who knows how to scald milk? That seems tricky.

Rating for Martha’s recipes: D

Categories: Cooking, First Ladies Cook, Icons
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Sun is coming out. The bluejays are gettin’ busy.

This is the first year I’ve noticed just how rambunctious and war-mongering bluejays are. What does it say about me that I suddenly notice and care about bird activity? That I’m getting old?

Well, I am wearing some Old Lady Shorts today. They are hot pink but they have an elastic waist with a tie. I promise never to wear them anywhere other than in the yard and to walk the dog. But they are so comfy. Yes, I got them at JC Penney. Sometimes I can’t resist going there and buying old lady clothing. It seems so taboo. Something you would never tell anyone. Maybe I should write it on a postcard for PostSecret.

Speaking of old lady clothing, I am considering starting a store on etsy, along with the rest of hipster America (if you can’t beat them, join them and make fun of them while doing it)! My hope is to focus primarily on preppy clothing, as it’s one of my new obsessions. I love preppy clothing and I love the mix of Preppy/Punk. Or Preppy/Grunge. Or Preppy/Metal. Observation: I am wearing my Old Lady Shorts with my Van Halen t-shirt.

Note: I am not saying Van Halen is metal. I think of them more as rock. Monsters of Rock, to be exact!

So I’m on a quest for preppy clothing (etsy stipulates that vintage clothes have to be at least 20 years old, so I’m trying to stick to that and have “1991 or older” firmly fixed in my head but I buy other preppy items as well hoping to be able to have a pop-up shop in Minneapolis at some later date).

For preppy clothing advice, I’ve got my manuals: True Prep and The Official Preppy Handbook to guide my way. Also trying to settle on a name. Any suggestions??? I’ve got a short list but nothing that I’m cra-a-zy for.

As I’ve started my clothing search I’ve come across the wonderful world of preppy blogs and I thought I’d share some of the stand-outs here because you might be interested in penny loafers, sailing, gin and tonics and bright colors too!

Unabashedly Prep (this is a pretty big one/well-known)
Ivy Style
The Daily Prep (really love that her name is Muffy)
The Preppy Princess
Nautical By Nature (my fave title)
The Classic Preppy

Well, that should be enough to get you started. As to what else I’m up to…

Reading: The Art of Non-Conformity by Chris Guillebeau (as if I need help…), The Pets by Bragi Olafsson and News From the World by Paula Fox. I have a bad habit of reading several books at one time.

Watching: We’ve been on a disastrous movie streak. We turned of the 1980s classic Roxanne halfway through and then suffered through all of Morning Glory. I’m convinced that Harrison Ford suffered a stroke in the past few years, partially paralyzing the left side of his face. Has anyone else noticed this? Not that this has anything to do with the quality of Morning Glory… he would have successfully chewed the scenery with or without partial facial paralysis. That movie had pretty good reviews so it greatly saddened me to find it so… mundane and badly written, acted.

Doing: Trying to get the yard in order. After attacking the bushes at the side of our drive and hacking them down to just about nothing (assisted by my parents) I’ve gone on to trim bushes, dig up weeds and do some planting. Yesterday I just about killed myself out there. I went into Gardener Zombie mode where all I could see was the next weed to be pulled, the next branch to be cut… and I forgot about things like drinking water, staying out of the blazing sun and not straining my knees too much. All the while the bluejays were having their fights in the trees. What can I say? I love a sharp hedge clipper and lots of perennials to put into the ground. Especially when I should be inside figuring out my job situation. Ahem.

Anticipating: The movie Bridesmaids comes out this weekend… maybe that will provide the comic relief I’m looking for. Also, in Minneapolis, the Linden Hills neighborhood is having its annual garage sale. I’ve scored lots of good stuff there before, including a favorite vintage sweater for $1! Could it be a preppy clothing bonanza?

Categories: Wednesday Outlook
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