The Official Preppy Handbook: Of Ducks and Dogs

Hey, Bunny here! Back with OPH tips for selecting a pet.

But first, let me say that this Preppy duck motif has been weighing heavily on my mind since last night (see last post). My home is really not duck-compliant. So I did some searching on  Craig’s List to find some duck-related items I could purchase to Preppify my environment.

duck printI found a Shoveler Duck Print with the added note of, “Finally an Upscale Duck Print!” Apparently a lot of people are selling down-market duck prints out there. Buyer beware and all that. The print is limited edition, signed and out-of-circulation. It can be mine for only $575. The seller says, “It was more than just another print of a handsome duck, it was a limited edition done by someone with an artistic flair not totally concerned with replicating the Shoveler like a photo, but as concerned with bringing the feeling of the wild with the picture in an artistic manner.

Then I found a slew of  duck decoys! You can really comparison shop for decoys on Craig’s List. Don’t settle for the first lot you see and go for vintage wood. It should go without saying that you should avoid foam. Decoys are perfect for scattering about the home. A few in the living room, one in the bathroom, one on the front porch with a festive bow tied around its neck. One seller says, “I purchased these at an estate sale a couple of years ago and was going to display them in my man cave when I finished it.” I’m not sure, but I think ” Man Cave” is new word for “den,” like the place Mike Brady was always hanging out in on The Brady Bunch when the kids needed to come talk to him. This guy’s loss is clearly a Prep’s gain.

duck decoy arrangeAnd speaking of the front of the house, I could have this outside – a lighted duck decoy arrangement on barn wood! For that folk art touch. There does seem to be a fine line between folk art touch and North Woods Gift Shop though. Folk art involves, well, art made by folks; people who don’t even know how artistic they are because they are so darn folksy until someone from The City clues them in my offering to be their agent or representative. North Woods Gift Shop is anything that smells like potpourri and was purchased from a place that sells Glady’s Homemade Fudge up at the check-out counter. And anytime you’re dealing with dried or silk plants, you’re walking on a razor’s edge.

Finally, I could hang this… this flock…  from my bathroom ceiling, suspended over the tub. Coming in for a landing!

woodducks.jpg.w300h281

I’m feeling better already.

I wish I could say as much for my dog. She might have to go. She’s not a Preferred Prep Breed. In fact, she’s a Mixed Breed and we’ve already trained her to behave (for the most part). Apparently, the more ill-behaved a dog is, the better in a Prep household. Let them pee on the couch, eat off a plate at the dinner table, hump guests’ legs, sleep on the bed, etc. etc.  Even worse, her name is Freja, which is ethnic in origin. This is a no-no. The acceptable categories for naming dogs are: liquor, family names and biblical or mythical names (so maybe Freja makes the cut as its also from Norwegian mythology).

Using the approved categories, I’ve come up with some name ideas, should you want to run out and get a puppy after this (but make sure you read all the way to the end so that you find out what kind of dog to get!)

Whiskey
Rye
Scotchy
Chambord (if tiny)
Guinness
G.G. (for Grey Goose, although you NEVER use the full name, only the initials)

Miller
Brown (or the ever-popular Brownie)
Dudek
Von Damme
Kidman
Medici
Khan
Cher

Mercury
Zeus
Moses
Judas

You get the idea. Now, make sure you buy a pure-bred Golden Retriever, Labrador Retriever, English or Irish Setter, Newfoundland, Basset hound or Pug. German Shepherds don’t make the cut. Neither do Pit Bulls, Dobermans, Boxers, Jack Russell Terriers, etc. So, think big yellow Lab named Beefeater, NOT a Boxer named Diablo (Juno, however, does make the cut – mythical name!)

If you need a visual, here it is:

YES!

Lab In Fleece

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Next up: How To Manage Your Money Like a Prep

Like the fleece dog jacket? It’s available at the Prep-Recommended site Orvis for $49. I hope you do like it – it’s a turtleneck!!

15 thoughts on “The Official Preppy Handbook: Of Ducks and Dogs

  1. Note: cats are not mentioned in OPH but they are approved, as long as you let them out to wander the neighborhood whenever they please and quickly replace them when they don’t return.

  2. I take offense as the slanderous association of the name Gladys with North Woods Gift shop – my grandma’s name is Gladys (she goes by Glady); she is one fine lady and she does NOT make fudge, but she does make a damn good dinner roll.

  3. I’m concerned that the Pit bull wants a unique type of operator…these dogs, no matter how ‘supportive’ nevertheless have teeth, are still creatures not having moral concepts and once they DO bite, won’t allow go. As in all animals…some often be far more suseptable to instinctual behavior and time and time once again, this breed tends to perform just that.

  4. omg this is hilarious. i just adopted a yellow lab and named her guinevere before my friend called my attention to these preppy handbook parameters. does that mean i am shallow? if i made all these decisions while uninformed?

  5. English Springer Spaniels are definitely in the mix now. A smaller breed (avg. 40-50lbs.), but loving, goofy and very regal. This breed is also quite fond of flushing ducks.

  6. I love, love, love English Springer Spaniels! Only drawback is grooming maintenance – gotta stay on top of that so they stay tangle-free and glossy!

  7. I disagree. My new shih-tzu, Henley definitely thinks he is prep. He is saving up for a rep-tie dog lead. He wears Martha Stewart. He had an LLBean tote with his name on it for doggie day camp. I think it depends on the attitude.

    But a Yorkie is not prep

  8. I’m surprised the King Charles Cavalier spaniel didn’t make the list – it was named by a king of England and is the only toy that is a descendant of a sporting breed. (of which is on the list)

  9. I was thinking, for my cute pure-bred yellow lab, the name Chadwick? Yes it is nerdy but it sounded to perfect when I imagined him running on the dock. Suggestions that aren’t on the list?

  10. Chadwick… Yes, although, everyone is going to shorten it to “Chad,” aren’t they? Is that OK with you? I’m wondering if “Spencer” or “Spence” would be a good name for a yellow lab? You could not go wrong with “Winston” or “Bayard” (shorten to “Bay”), either. Finally, a yellow lab named “Murray” sounds just adorable to me.

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