Archive for October, 2009
While the feature film Troll 2 is often held up as the “worst movie ever,” a closer analysis reveals it to be much more than a shitty movie made for cheap in a small town in Utah. In fact, lying beneath the often confusing plot are powerful messages about the ills and dangers associated with a rapidly changing society. I will identify three major messages, or themes, within the film and formulate questions that will serve to heighten our understanding of Troll 2, regardless of whether or not we, as individuals, enjoy the film as entertainment.
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Anti-Fan Fiction: Heartburn
October 27, 2009
Am I the only person on the planet who is not taken in by the charms of Meryl Streep? Whenever I see her get weepy and red-eyed in a drama, I want to run away. Whenever she’s being quirky in a comedy, I can’t bring myself to watch. I have never seen Mama Mia! Can you fucking believe it?? I should turn in my Midwesterner Membership card.
But the movie Heartburn takes the Streep cake. (OK, there’s that “A dingo at my baby,” movie, too.)
I think anytime you’re beginning with revenge fantasy material, you’re in murky waters. Heartburn, in case you aren’t aware, is the “fictional” story of a woman who is cheated on by her husband while she’s pregnant with their second child. I say fictional in quotation marks because it’s really the thinly-disguised bio-pic of Nora Ephron, who was cheated on by Bob Woodward while pregnant with their second child and then wrote the novel Heartburn. Who can really blame her for writing it? They say, “Write what you know,” and when what you know is sensational and revenge-driven, well, it’s gonna sell books and tickets and eventually you’re going to get to make Sleepless in Seattle.
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The Official Preppy Handbook: Failing Upwards
October 23, 2009Imagined Conversations
October 20, 2009
Because you’re wondering – as am I – how one decides to build a UFO/big-silver-helium-filled balloon and create a “media hoax” that will win one a “reality” TV show.
INT. HEENE LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
RICHARD HEENE, 40-something husband and father with curious hair, and MAYUMI HEENE, late-30-something stereotype of a submissive wife, sit in their living room after their children are in bed.
Richard tinkers with a remote-controlled passenger pigeon as Mayumi works on a Soduku puzzle.
RICHARD: Been a long time since that second Wife Swap aired.
MAYUMI: Hmmm…
RICHARD: I don’t understand it. I post videos online everyday… the rap video… Psycience Detectives… Did you post that new video today? The one where I talk about the science behind the untimely death of Heath Ledger while at the grocery store?
MAYUMI: I’m sorry… I… I was busy with the boys…
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Fan Fiction: Saturday Night Fever
October 19, 2009
Even though I’m only a cashier by day, I’m a dancer by night. Weeknights, I dance in my room, in front of the mirror, until Ma yells, “Doreen, knock it off! The floor is vibratin’ like crazy!”
She hates disco. I love disco.
I tell her I gotta practice. “I gotta keep goin’, Ma,” I yell down the stairs.
“The hell you do,” she yells back.
Every night it’s like that. And every morning she gives me the stink eye while I’m eating my cereal before I go to work to stand on my feet for eight hours.
“You’re too loud,” she says. “I’m gonna have to kick you out if I can’t hear my programs.”
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The Official Preppy Handbook: A Reading List
October 18, 2009
One thing to remember as you’re working on your Prep status, is that it’s a lifestyle, not just a fashion trend. It has to be incorporated into every facet of your life, including your reading material. According to the Handbook, some safe bets are books about Prep schools or classics assigned to be read in Prep schools, books about Preppies and books about the joys and miseries of being a Prep.
I’ll tell you what’s not on the list: anything by Dan Brown or Stephanie Meyer. You can forget reading such common fodder (unless you hide it in the bathroom for reading on the throne).
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Welcome To Satan’s Alley
October 15, 2009
Back in 2001, I sent out a few movie reviews via e-mail. What I really wanted was a blog but I guess I didn’t know how to do it and it wasn’t so easy as it is now, so I used e-mail to send reviews to people I knew (not all of whom asked for it, by the way). Since I’ve just been rewatching Saturday Night Fever, I started thinking about the first movie I reviewed via e-mail – Staying Alive. Plus, a friend who used to get the e-mails asked me a couple of weeks ago why I don’t do them anymore. I found this interesting – someone WANTED more of my weird “reviews” of movies that had been out for years. Anyway, I combed through my old e-mails and found the review.
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Fan Fiction: Saturday Night Fever
October 14, 2009BRING ME FLESH AND BRING ME WINE
Man, am I sick of this guy, or what?
Tony this, Tony that. Tony, you’re such a good dancer. You know what Connie actually said the other night? She said, “Tony, are you as good in bed as you are on the dance floor?” He was all smiles. I been tryin’ to hit that c*&^ for six months now and it all comes down to Tony being able to shake his ass, pump his fists, twirl that bitch around out on the dance floor?
It’s not easy being part of The Faces. Know what that means? We give good Face – we come to the club, not a hair out of place, nice shoes, top-of-the-line silk shirts and we class up the joint. Saturday night is the only night of the week when I feel like somebody. But I’m co-pilot and Tony is captain and it ain’t fair.
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The Official Preppy Handbook: Managing Those Dollah Billz
October 10, 2009
This is where things get complicated in the Prep lifestyle. If you’re serious about being a Prep, you’ve got to back up your rep with some serious cash, or at least the illusion of it. How do you create that illusion? Well, hopefully you don’t have to because you’ve got a trust fund. Barring that, you can cultivate an air of richness that you pair it with enough turtlenecks and an easygoing relationship with a credit card. Here are some do’s and don’t gleaned from the Handbook.
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The Official Preppy Handbook: Of Ducks and Dogs
October 7, 2009Hey, Bunny here! Back with OPH tips for selecting a pet.
But first, let me say that this Preppy duck motif has been weighing heavily on my mind since last night (see last post). My home is really not duck-compliant. So I did some searching on Craig’s List to find some duck-related items I could purchase to Preppify my environment.
I found a Shoveler Duck Print with the added note of, “Finally an Upscale Duck Print!” Apparently a lot of people are selling down-market duck prints out there. Buyer beware and all that. The print is limited edition, signed and out-of-circulation. It can be mine for only $575. The seller says, “It was more than just another print of a handsome duck, it was a limited edition done by someone with an artistic flair not totally concerned with replicating the Shoveler like a photo, but as concerned with bringing the feeling of the wild with the picture in an artistic manner.”
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